TYLER: So let’s do a quick recap of the top five techniques you used in your conversation with Zach.
When Zach said that he was seeing someone, instead of assuming the person was male or female, Ms. Yazzie said, “Do you want to tell me about this person?” Using gender-neutral language really lets your students know that you’re open-minded.
Opportunities for gender-neutral language come up all the time. Like, say it’s Valentine’s Day. Instead of asking a group of girls, “You going out with your boyfriends tonight?” try to say something like, “Any of you have Valentine’s plans today?”
Or, if you don’t know the right language to use about someone’s sexual orientation, gender identity, race, religion, or culture, just ask. At least that lets us know you care about our feelings and that you’re trying your best to make your classroom an inclusive space.
So check out this example in the conversation with Zach that went well.
MS. YAZZIE: It sounds like things at school are pretty challenging right now.
ZACH: I can’t wait to go to college.
MS. YAZZIE: So thinking about your future helps you stay strong right now.
CASEY: Rephrasing what Zach said, without judgment, gave him a chance to clarify what he meant. It made him feel like Ms. Yazzie was really listening, and sometimes it encouraged him to open up more.
Listen to this example.
MS. YAZZIE: What you say here is confidential. I’m not going to repeat anything to your parents or the counselor unless I feel like you’re making choices that are putting you or someone else in danger, or someone’s putting you in danger.
CASEY: Zach confided in Ms. Yazzie because he trusts her. So keep a student’s trust by keeping what they say confidential, unless you think they or someone else is in danger. And if you have to call their parents for any reason, let the student know beforehand, so they don’t assume that you’re sharing things they told you in confidence.
Listen to this example.
MS. YAZZIE: Another person who’s really good to talk to about things is Ms. Lurie, the counselor.
DANI: It’s okay to make a referral, as long as you’ve made sure that the person you’re referring them to is an informed and supportive ally. And if you think the student is under a lot of stress, a referral to a school counselor or other supportive specialist can make a big difference in their life.
It’s okay to say to students, “Hey, I might get this wrong or say the wrong thing, so feel free to correct me. I’m interested in hearing from you.”
Don’t worry about being perfect. Just reaching out, listening, and talking make a big difference.