MS YAZZIE: Thanks for coming in, Zach. I’ve been hoping we’d get a chance to talk.
ZACH: Yeah, um… What did you want to talk about?
MS. YAZZIE: I wanted to check in with you because the other day Jayda said some hurtful things in class. How are you feeling about that? ZACH: Whatever. They say that every day. All the time.
ZACH THOUGHT: You think that was bad? Come into gym class some time. Welcome to my life.
MS. YAZZIE: When you say “they,” who are you talking about?
ZACH: Like, everyone in this entire school. I mean, that’s all they care about. Is someone gay or not. It’s so stupid. MS.
YAZZIE: It sounds like things at school are a little challenging. How are you dealing with everything?
ZACH: I just remember that I’m getting out of here, to M.I.T. or somewhere, and they’re going to live dumb lives and be stupid forever.
MS. YAZZIE: So thinking about your future and college is helping you keep it together and stay strong right now. "
ZACH: Yeah.
MS. YAZZIE: I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.
ZACH: Yeah.
MS. YAZZIE: This can be, I guess a confusing time in everyone’s life; you know, figuring out who they are, which direction to take, and as you know, not everybody is as accepting as we want them to be.
ZACH: What do you think I should do?
DANI: Zach seems to be reaching out to Ms. Yazzie for support. If you wouldn’t be comfortable continuing this conversation, that’s totally okay. At this point you could refer him to someone else who may be better able to support him, like the school counselor. Ms. Yazzie decides to continue the conversation some more before referring him to the counselor.
MS. YAZZIE: Sometimes there’s nothing we can do to change the way people act or the nasty things they say. But I really believe that who you are is who you’re meant to be, even if other people don’t understand it or aren’t supportive.
ZACH: I’m not really sure who I am lately.
MS. YAZZIE: You’ve been feeling a little confused?
ZACH: Yeah, everything’s been, like, messed up lately. I was sort of, seeing someone a few weeks ago who I thought understood me. But then all of a sudden everything fell apart and now I have no one.
MS. YAZZIE: Sometimes people who are going through some tough stuff emotionally, sometimes they think of hurting themselves. Have you ever had thoughts of self harm, or even suicide?
ZACH: No! I mean maybe once or twice in an “oh wouldn’t they be sorry” kind of way, but that’s just my mind running away on me. I’d never actually do anything.
MS. YAZZIE: I hope you don’t mind me asking; it’s just that I care about you and want to make sure you’re safe.
DANI: This was good. You won’t put the idea of suicide into a student’s head by asking them if they’ve thought about it. By being direct and open, you’re actually sending a message to students that you care enough about their safety to ask, and you’re comfortable talking about these topics if they ever need some support.
MS. YAZZIE: Do you want to tell me about this person you were seeing?
ZACH: Sort of. But, I don’t know. I feel like it might change what you think of me.
MS. YAZZIE: You’re concerned that I might not approve maybe?
ZACH: I don’t know…maybe. I just don’t want the other kids to know, or my parents.
MS. YAZZIE: Listen, Zach. I’m not going to repeat anything to your parents, unless I feel that you’re making choices that are putting you or someone else in danger, or someone’s putting you in danger.
ZACH: It’s nothing like that. Do you think that, hypothetically, if a person was attracted to someone, like, someone of the same sex, does that necessarily mean that that person’s gay?
ZACH’S THOUGHT: Or if that person kissed a guy and.. Wouldn’t mind doing it again, for example?
MS. YAZZIE: I don’t know, Zach, there’s a whole range of attraction. Sometimes people are attracted to the same sex, or the opposite, or both. Sometimes when people have feelings for someone of the same sex, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re gay.
ZACH: That’s confusing.
MS. YAZZIE: Yeah, I know. But I hope that you know that whoever you’re attracted to doesn’t change how I feel about you. ZACH: Have you ever been attracted to someone, like, a woman?
ZACH’S THOUGHT: Well, if you’ve felt these things before and you’re not gay, then maybe I’m not either.
MS. YAZZIE: What would that mean to you if I had or hadn’t?
ZACH: I just want to know how common it is.
MS. YAZZIE: It sounds to me like you’re worried I won’t understand what you’re going through, hypothetically, if I haven’t had similar feelings.
ZACH: I don’t know.
MS. YAZZIE: The truth is, no one knows what it’s like to be anyone else. But, I hope you know I’m a big fan of yours. I think you’re smart and capable, and I support you no matter what. I’m really glad you feel comfortable talking to me, Zach. It means a lot to me that you trust me with your questions.
ZACH: (shrugs)
MS. YAZZIE: Another person who’s really good to talk to about these things—like stress, family or relationships, social stuff, anything else—is Ms. Lurie, the counselor.
ZACH: The counselor? Why can’t I just talk to you?
MS. YAZZIE: Well, you can. Always.
ZACH: Well, are you sending me to the counselor because of what I said, about, like, questioning stuff? Like you think my head’s all messed up or something?
MS. YAZZIE: Listen, Zach, I don’t think you’re messed up. Whether or not you talk to Ms. Lurie is completely your choice.
ZACH: I don’t want my parents to know that I talked to a counselor. They wouldn’t understand.
MS. YAZZIE: Well, if you talked with her, it would be completely confidential. Remember that. Unless she fears for your safety or someone else’s. And, you know, Zach, feeling like your parents may not be supportive if you talked to a counselor that could be something you would talk to her about, too.
ZACH: I guess.
MS. YAZZIE: You know, I trust Ms. Lurie. And I’ve always felt that when life gets hard, talking to people who support you and care about you makes it easier. And like I said, whether or not you go and talk to her is your choice.
ZACH: Yeah, but she doesn’t know me. I’ve seen her, like a couple times in the hall, but that’s it. We’ve never talked or anything.
MS. YAZZIE: Well, all right, how about this? How would you feel about walking over there together, and I can introduce you?
ZACH: Like, now?
MS. YAZZIE: Well sure, why not? Let’s go see if she’s in.
DANI: Awesome. Ms. Yazzie told Zach she cared about him and helped him identify another supportive person to talk to, the counselor. If your school doesn’t have a counselor, or you feel like the counselor may not be supportive, help the student find someone in the administration who can help support them.
Zach didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger. But if you know someone who may be at risk for self harm or suicide or who may be showing warning signs such as anxiety, substance abuse, hopelessness, or extreme changes in mood, friends, and activities, it’s important to act quickly.
In the resources section at the end of this transcript, there’s a list of referral points and crisis centers, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, the Trevor Project’s lifeline, and the Crisis Text Line.