Involving parents
Good choices
Provider: If it’s okay with you, I’d like to get your parents involved in this discussion.
Justin: Woah, why?
Provider: Well, having thoughts of suicide is serious. Other kids your age also have these feelings, and we always try to make sure they have the support they need. I’m hoping we can start building that support for you, starting with your parents.
Justin: Okay… (thinking) But what if they freak out, want to send me away for “being crazy” or something? I don’t know, it seems like a bad idea.
- Advice: Asking Justin about involving his parents is much more effective than directing him. It sounds like Justin has some fears about this, though, so you’ll need to address those before you can move forward.
Provider: Why do you think your parents will freak out if we tell them about this?
Justin: Well… I don’t know. Like, wouldn’t anyone freak out if they found out someone was thinking about… (shying away from the word “suicide”) you know...?
Provider: Maybe. But would they “freak out” or just be worried?
Justin: Well… yeah, worried. My dad would probably want to talk to me for, like, three hours. But yeah, maybe they wouldn’t “freak out.”
- Advice: Asking this open-ended question helped Justin analyze his feelings about his parents’ involvement and acknowledge that their reaction is the same that most parents would feel.
Provider: Would it be okay if I bring your mom in for the next part of this conversation?
Justin: Yeah, it’s okay. She’s in the waiting room, I think.
Provider: Great. Thanks for talking with me about this.
Justin: Yeah, thanks for listening.
Provider: Of course. I’ll go get your mom.
Bad choices
Provider: I think this is a serious issue, and we have to tell your parents.
Justin: No, no. If we tell them, they’ll totally freak out. I think you can just give me something for the headaches and I can go home. It’ll be fine.
- Advice: Insisting that Justin tell his parents made him defensive.
Provider: Your parents won’t “freak out.”
Justin: Uh, you don’t know my parents. They will totally freak out.
Justin’s inner thought: If they thought the headaches were a big deal, this will be a huge deal.
- Advice: You don’t know Justin’s parents as well as he does, and even if you did, you’re not in a position to make predictions or promises about their reactions.
Provider: Before we talk about anything else, we need to bring in your mom and get her involved.
Justin: No way. I told you, my parents are gonna freak out!
- Advice: Here again, insisting that Justin tell his parents made him defensive.