Module 3: Bias on Campus
MATT: I thought it would stop after high school, but I still hear people on campus use slurs like “faggot” and “dyke” and “tranny.”
JAY: Or a lot of times, people say things that are meant to be jokes, like “that’s so gay,” or “no homo!” Hearing that stuff over and over again can hurt, too.
KALLIE: There are a lot of supportive students. But the ones who aren’t supportive can be really vocal.
KALLIE: Which is one reason why lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer or questioning students are twice as likely as straight students to be the target of offensive comments. And over a third of trans students experience harassment. It really makes you worry about your safety on campus, and it can make some people consider leaving school altogether.
EMMA: So, when I hear language like that, I want to speak up… but sometimes I’m worried it’ll turn into a fight or sound like I’m lecturing the person.
MATT: Okay, well, hypothetically…
MATT: Say you’re hanging out in the student center with a friend, and Jay is sitting nearby. Your friend, Michael, says…
MICHAEL: Hey, check it out, it’s that tranny boy, Jay. Heshe, like, dresses like a guy, but he’s actually a girl… I was in a class with him where he talked about it. So weird.
MATT: Imagine you're Emma and decide how you'd respond. Your goal is to let your friend know that you don’t agree with him and to give him the chance to reconsider what he said. Some tactics will work better than others.
Your Goals
- Let your friend know you don't agree with him.
- Give him the chance to reconsider what he said.
Example of a Good Conversation in which you achieve your goals
EMMA: Why does that seem weird to you?
MICHAEL: I mean… he’s like, sort of a guy and sort of a girl. It’s weird, y’know? I’ve just never seen anything like that before.
EMMA: Jay’s out as transgender, which means he was born female, but identifies as male. So that’s why he dresses like a guy and uses male pronouns, like “he” and “him.”
He’s actually really open to answering questions about it, if you ask respectfully.
MICHAEL: Well, I don’t know… this whole trans thing kind of freaks me out.
EMMA: So Jay’s the first transgender person you’ve met. I can understand why being trans might seem really different.
I just try to remind myself that everyone deserves respect, no matter how they identify. I wouldn’t want someone calling me “tranny” or “heshe” if I were in Jay’s shoes.
MICHAEL: I guess…
MATT: Nice. By explaining what it means to be transgender in a calm, neutral tone, you showed your support for trans people without making your friend defensive.
Examples of not achieving your goals
EMMA: Whatever. You up to anything tonight?
MATT: I know it might seem best to just ignore this comment, but that might send the message that you agree with what he said. Let's go back and hear another example.
EMMA: That’s really offensive! I can’t believe there are still people like you around.
MICHAEL: Whoa, what’s your problem? Why do you even care?
MATT: I know you may want to take a strong stand when you hear a comment like that. But insulting the person can backfire by making the other person defensive, turning the conversation into an argument, and causing them stop listening to you altogether.
EMMA: Actually, I know Jay, and it makes me a little uncomfortable when I hear people say things like that about him.
MICHAEL: Well, I’m just saying… I’ve never seen anybody like that before. That’s all.
EMMA: Jay’s out as transgender, which means he was born female, but identifies as male. You shouldn’t feel weird about it.
MICHAEL: Uh, sorry, can’t really control how I feel.
EMMA: Well, I just try to remind myself that everyone deserves respect, no matter how they identify.
I wouldn’t want someone calling me “tranny” or “heshe” if I were in Jay’s shoes.
MICHAEL: I guess…