Module 2: The LGBTQ Community
MATT: We were hanging out at our apartment with...
Kallie- a lesbian-
Emma- straight-
and Jay- he's transgender.
ROBBY: Kallie was telling us about a conversation she had the other day.
KALLIE: …So, I was talking to Alex about his party next weekend, and he was like, “So you bringing your boyfriend?” And I was like, “Well… I actually don’t have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend.” And he goes, “No way, you’re a lesbian?? But you’re so girly!”
(MATT, ROBBY, and JAY all groan.)
EMMA: But wait... why is that so bad?
KALLIE: Well… he just assumed I was straight… like being heterosexual is normal, and anything other than that isn’t.
MATT: Yeah, instead of asking like, “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Do you have a girlfriend?” he could have said something like, “Are you seeing anyone?”
JAY: And you know, he was also assuming things about Kallie’s sexual orientation based on how she looks. Like, because she has long hair and looks stereotypically feminine, she should be attracted to men. That’s not always the case if you’re LGBTQ.
EMMA: Makes sense. And… what was that acronym you used?
JAY: LGBTQ?
EMMA: Yeah. What do all those mean?
KALLIE: Okay—so the “L” stands for lesbian—a woman who is emotionally and physically attracted to some other women.
The “G” is for gay, a man who’s emotionally and physically attracted to some other men. Sometimes “gay” is also used to refer to lesbians—like I might call myself a gay woman.
MATT: Then there’s “B” for bisexual, a person who’s emotionally and physically attracted to some men and some women.
Those three—lesbian, gay, and bisexual—they’re about your sexual orientation, or who you’re attracted to.
JAY: The next one, T for transgender—that’s about your gender identity: whether you identify as, or feel inside like, a male or female—and about your gender expression: how you express that gender identity, through personal appearance.
Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity, expression, or behavior is different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth.
KALLIE: The last letter, Q, is for questioning—someone who’s still figuring out their sexual orientation or gender identity.
MATT: The Q can also stand for “queer,” which people use as an umbrella term to describe orientations and identities that don’t conform to societal norms. But be careful about using the word “queer”— though it’s used more and more often these days, and you might hear it around campus, it actually can be a derogatory term for LGBTQ people, and some find it offensive.
KALLIE: Besides these five, there are other sexual and gender identities in the spectrum.
EMMA: I’m still a little confused about the transgender part…
JAY: Okay, so my birth sex was female, but inside, I’ve always felt like a guy. It’s hard to describe, but it goes beyond just wanting to wear masculine clothes or cut my hair short.
For a long time, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. When I finally learned about being transgender and other trans people’s experiences, I was like… “That’s me. That’s what I’m going through.” I came out as trans at the beginning of college and changed my name to “Jay.”
KALLIE: And you use male pronouns, right?
JAY: Yeah, since I identify as a guy, I ask that when people refer to me, they use “he” and “him.”
EMMA: So if someone comes out to you as trans, how do you know which pronouns to use?
JAY: Well, they might tell you up front. But if you’re ever not sure, just ask. I really appreciate it when people make an effort to be respectful about that.
There are definitely a few students and professors who just won’t call me Jay or use the right pronouns, and it’s… it’s really hard for me when people insist on treating me as a gender I don’t identify with.
ROBBY: And most things on campus are divided up by two genders—restrooms, locker rooms, sports teams, fraternities and sororities…
JAY: Right. Honestly, I don’t always feel safe using the men’s room because sometimes I get stares and rude comments. My first year of school, I’d actually plan my schedule around where the gender-neutral bathrooms were on campus.
EMMA: It sounds like you have to think about a lot of things the rest of us take for granted.
JAY: Yeah, like—think about something as small as our student ID cards.
Mine still says my legal name and has a photo of me from before I came out as trans. So whenever I have to flash it to get into the buildings on campus… it’s a reminder of this person I don’t identify with at all. A lot of times, it means I have to come out and explain to a total stranger why I don’t match my picture. And some of them ask me, like, really personal questions when I do!
MATT: I mean, if you’re closer with someone, it might be okay to ask them more personal questions. But everyone’s different—some people will be more open about it than others.
KALLIE: Yeah, and everyone’s experience is different, too—like, there’s no one LGBTQ experience that applies to everybody.
EMMA: But it seems like there are some general things you can do to be respectful...
Don’t assume everyone you meet is straight, and don’t assume people’s sexual orientation or gender identity based on how they look or act.
MATT: And if you do hear someone make an insensitive or biased comment about LGBTQ people, you can let them know that that language isn’t okay…