Module 3: Jay's Story (Continued)
Conversation Goal
- Respectfully handle Jay’s request and try to connect him to someone who can help.
Weak Example of Conversation in which the goal is not achieved
MS. FRANK: Can I help you?
JAY: Uh, I hope so. I need to make a wording change on my student ID.
MS. FRANK: A wording change? JAY: Yeah, I need it to say that my name is Jay.
MS. FRANK: Are you trying to tell me that you’re transgender?
JAY: Wow, um… I wasn’t going to just jump into it like that, but… yeah, actually.
MATT: It may be polite to wait for someone to offer that information; it may be perceived as intrusive or unsettling to ask.
JAY (thinking to himself): (confused) Whoa, is it that obvious?
MS. FRANK: Our school policy is to use students’ legal names on their IDs. Have you begun the process of legally changing your name?
JAY: Yeah, well, that’s what I thought this was.
JAY (thinking to himself): Huh. I wonder what that involves. I should Google it when I get home.
MS. FRANK: Are you saying you’re no longer a female?
JAY: I’ve never been female—(quieter) Look, I just need my ID changed. Please don’t ask about my body.
MATT: That question is overly personal and does not pertain to Jay’s ID. Besides, despite his biological sex assigned at birth, Jay’s gender identity was never female. MS.
FRANK: I’m trying to understand… you’re doing hormone therapy or having surgery or something to change your gender legally?
JAY: Um, that’s private. Look, is there maybe someone else I can talk to about this?
Good Example of Conversation in which the goal is achieved
MS. FRANK: Can I help you? JAY: Uh, I hope so. I need to make a wording change on my student ID.
MS. FRANK: A wording change?
JAY: Yeah, I need it to say that my name is Jay.
MS. FRANK: Okay, um can you tell me a little bit more about why you need your ID to say Jay?
JAY: Well, ‘cause that’s the name I always go by.
MS. FRANK: I’m sorry; we don’t allow nicknames on official ID cards.
JAY: No, it’s not that, it’s… I’m transgender. So. I need my ID changed.
MS. FRANK: Sounds challenging to have your ID not match your preferred name.
JAY: It’s wrong.
MS. FRANK: I understand.
JAY: Some people, when they look at my ID, they get really uncomfortable or like, aggressive, even. If my ID said Jay, I could avoid all that.
JAY (thinking to himself): Sounds like at least you get what I’m saying.
MS. FRANK: Thanks for letting me know. Can I ask a few more questions to make sure that I understand the situation?
JAY: Sure.
MATT: It may be hard for some people to come out to a stranger as transgender, so it’s nice to thank the student for trusting you with that information.
MS. FRANK: Our school policy is to use students’ legal names on their IDs. Have you begun the process of legally changing your name?
JAY: Yeah, well, that’s what I thought this was.
MS. FRANK: Have you talked to any other office about this?
JAY: Not yet... Is there someone else I should talk to?
MS. FRANK: I might not be the right person to assist you, but hopefully I can point you in the right direction for the paperwork you’ll need to change your name on your ID. Let me call my supervisor and get some more information.
KALLIE: Calling her supervisor was a good decision. She said the next steps should be to create a record of the discussion with Jay and suggest some supportive on-campus resources that may have more information. Also, it's a good idea to take down Jay’s email so she can follow up if she learns of any new information.
Post-Conversation
MATT: Each college has its own policies for changing names and gender markers on ID cards and student records, and each campus has different resources. Here are some of the most common resources for LGBTQ students:
- An office like the LGBTQ affairs office, or the diversity or LGBTQ division of either the Office of Student Life or the Office of Multicultural Affairs
- Deans of student life, residence life, student affairs, student services, or multicultural affairs
- LGBTQ peer support groups that can provide the student with more information and a community of friends and mentors
- Or the mental health services office, if a student appears to be in significant mental or emotional distress.
JAY: It was best when, even though the staff member wasn’t able to help me change the name on my ID, she listened and empathized with how frustrating this ID situation is for me. She treated me with the respect she would give any other student, and those small gestures make a difference.
Best Practices:
- Call your supervisor
- Create a record
- Suggest supportive resources
- Take email to follow up