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In your real-life argument, there are two sides. Each person believes they're right, so they usually both try to tell their side first. Then, things can quickly escalate out of control, with both people talking and no one listening. To de-escalate an argument, one person has to stop trying to tell their side and start listening to the other person.

But real listening doesn't just mean sitting quietly while you wait for an opportunity to talk or while you plan what to say. It means having genuine curiosity about the other person's point of view. You may not agree with what they're saying, but you can be curious about how they feel and why they feel that way. If you're curious about their feelings, you'll start asking questions and summarizing what you think they mean to make sure you understand.

Then the argument should slowly de-escalate and turn into a calmer, more meaningful discussion. The other person might become more open to listening to your side.