Page 8

Now let's talk about three challenging conversations you might have with your veteran. We'll start by discussing how to de-escalate arguments.

Arguments don't just happen in military families; they can happen in any family. However, if your loved one has PTSD or traumatic brain injury, you might find that arguments happen more often than they did before.

Even though your loved one may seem angry at you, that anger may just be a way to cover up more painful, vulnerable feelings. For example, he or she may feel guilty about things that happened during deployment, sad about friends they lost, helpless about new injuries, or frustrated that no one around them can relate to what they've been through. Anger is easier to deal with than emotions like these; and it makes the veteran feel more in control.

If this sounds like your loved one, your challenge is to look past this anger, understanding that it's not your fault and not an indication of how your loved one feels about you. The anger will likely go down over time and, until then, you may have to be extra patient to keep your relationship strong. This might seem unfair, especially considering all the other sacrifices you made during the deployment. But this is a very important time in your loved one's life... a time when they--more than ever--need your love and patience.

How do we turn an argument into a discussion with a positive outcome? Let's look more closely at what happens during an argument like this. Think about an argument you've had recently with a loved one or friend. Once you've thought of one, continue to the next page.