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There are four things that will help you to get your friend to open up, to help you understand what your friend is going through, and to connect your friend to someone who can help, like an adult.
- Ask questions
- Summarize
- Don’t criticize
- Avoid giving advice
Also, keep in mind it’s best to have a conversation like this in a quiet place, where you can’t be interrupted or where someone might overhear.
First, ask questions- especially open-ended questions that need more than a yes/no answer. This is the best way to understand what your friend is going through and make them feel like you care. Here are a few examples of open-ended questions.
- What’s been going on?
- When did it start?
- How are you dealing with that?
Here’s another example of asking a question to encourage your friend to open up to you.
YOU: So I know you’ve got a lot going on, but are you doing anything to relax?
YOUR FRIEND: Like what?
YOU: Like, have you been writing any music lately? I know you used to do that a lot.
YOUR FRIEND: No, I don’t have time anymore and besides all my songs would be so sad. My life blows. I’ve got one sister whose high all the time, and parents who don’t care about me. They only care about sobering up my sister.