EMMA: If you're drinking because something's wrong you should tell me.
CHARLIE: If something was wrong, I would tell you, okay? I just like having a good time. I mean, things aren't perfect.
COACH: You provided unsolicited advice a second time. Next time, try to look for opportunities to ask questions that try to invite Charlie to share his thoughts.
CHARLIE: Look, what else do you want to talk about?
EMMA: You don't think you have a problem with alcohol, do you?
CHARLIE: Uhhh, you don't think you're being really judgy right now, do you? And wait.
COACH: You asked Charlie if he thought he had a problem with alcohol. Instead, you could have tried asking a question that invited Charlie to share his thoughts even more.
CHARLIE: You're no saint. I read the group chats this morning. You said you drank too much last night too and even texted your ex!
EMMA: Far as I see it, you're the one with the problem. Ugh, I don't have a problem! You're talking like, (sighs) whatever.
COACH: You labeled Charlie's recent behavior as a problem. Look for opportunities in the future to understand more about how Charlie sees his own choices about alcohol use.
CHARLIE: I mean, I don't know. Not sure I'm really feelin' you. I like hanging out and I like having a few beers when I hang out. Sometimes I don't really like the next morning but it's not like I have a problem or anything. I certainly don't want to go to some place where they're gonna be all judgy.
EMMA: Yeah, I wouldn't want that for you either.
CHARLIE: And when I go out, like there's another party tonight, and when I'm in a place like that, I feel like I can live my life.
EMMA: Why on Earth would you go out tonight if you have a headache like this every time?
CHARLIE: Cause it's my life? I think I'm done talking about this.
COACH: You asked Charlie why he would keep going out if he had a headache every time. This implied Charlie didn't understand enough to make decisions for himself. Try to look for opportunities to ask questions that invite Charlie to share more of his thoughts.
EMMA: You need to speak to someone on the staff, like an RA, otherwise, it's going to be really hard to keep hanging out.
CHARLIE: (hurt) What are you saying? You're gonna like stop being my friend?
EMMA: No, like, specifically when we're out, I might kinda do my own thing. I don't know.
CHARLIE: (discouraged) You do whatever you gotta do. I just don't feel like I need to talk to anyone. About drinking and stuff.
COACH: You provided Charlie with unsolicited advice and told him he needed to speak to someone, or it would be hard to spend time with him. Implied threats don't usually help people get what they want. Try to look for opportunities to ask questions that invite Charlie to share his thoughts.
EMMA: OK, thanks. I didn't mean to be weird or anything. Just checking in.
CHARLIE: (half jokingly) Phew, finally. We can mooooove on.
CHARLIE: (sighs) So, right. I don't think I'm going to chat with the RA. It's just too weird for me right now.
CHARLIE: And yeah. I'm still gonna go to that party tonight.
EMMA: Okay. Thanks for chatting about this.
CHARLIE: Yeah, sure. I think I might need to lie down for a bit though.
EMMA: Alright.