EMMA: Hey Charlie, how's it going? (friendly) You look like crap.
CHARLIE: Ugh. I feel like crap.
EMMA: Guess you haven't tried to clean up much today, huh?
CHARLIE: (sighs) I tried, but, just (another heavy sigh) wasn't up for it. (embarrassed) As you know, I had quite the night.
EMMA: So I feel kinda weird saying this, but we need to talk about your drinking.
CHARLIE: Ugh, seriously?! That is literally the LAST thing I wanna talk about right now.
EMMA: Well, it's important.
CHARLIE: (disinterested) Ugh. Whatever.
COACH: You told Charlie he needed to talk about his drinking. When you tell someone they need to do something, they're usually more resistant to doing it.
EMMA: You'd had a few drinks, and you were gonna try to backflip off the roof?
CHARLIE: What? No I wasn't. Was I?
EMMA: (gently) You were. And you could have hurt yourself pretty badly.
CHARLIE: I wouldn't, I woulda been fine. Remember, remember that awesome uh, front flip over the fountain last month? You were there.
EMMA: I was also there when you tried to front flip over a bike in the campus parking lot and you ended up with a twisted ankle. Well, so wait, did I do it last night?
EMMA: No, but you were serious about trying to. Who knows what might've happened if you did. I don't think you would've done it if you were sober.
CHARLIE: I remember asking you to, yeah, it's coming back.
CHARLIE: Oh, right, and I remember you dragging me outta there, too. That wasn't cool.
EMMA: You keep pretending your drinking isn't a problem, when it like, really is.
CHARLIE: Thanks, uh "Dr. Ems" I'm fine.
COACH: You mentioned Charlie's pattern of behavior in a way that put the label "problem" on it, so Charlie was less receptive to talk about the subject.
CHARLIE: I really don't see what the big deal is.
EMMA: Could we just chat about it a bit?
CHARLIE: Sure, whatever. I've already got a headache, why not.
EMMA: If you keep drinking and doing dangerous stuff, you could die.
CHARLIE: Pfft. Sure. Really. I mean it.
CHARLIE: You mean what? If you scare me enough. (scoff) This is stupid.
COACH: You used an extreme example of Charlie dying to show how serious you think his choices are. It can help to share your opinions and perspectives on a situation in terms of how it affects you rather than Charlie, since you don't know how Charlie sees his own choices.
EMMA: This isn't a joke. If you keep drinking, you're gonna keep doing stupid stuff. And you could for sure end up in the hospital.
CHARLIE: Whatever.
EMMA: Or worse. You really could die.
CHARLIE: Hasn't happened so far.
EMMA: Yeah, cause we've been there to step in and save your butt! One day we might not be there.
CHARLIE: Uh, okay. That sounds like a threat.
EMMA: No, sorry, that's not what I mean. I'm just worried.
CHARLIE: (annoyed) You don't need to worry.
COACH: You continued to tell Charlie the ways he might get hurt without framing it from your perspective and experience. This misses an opportunity to help Charlie see how his choices affect you personally. Emma eventually clarified she was worried about Charlie, which is a more effective approach.
CHARLIE: I don't know, Em. I need to lie down.
EMMA: If drinking is your way to deal with problems or whatever, it's not gonna help. You know that, right?
CHARLIE: Yes. I get it, mom.
EMMA: Charlie, I'm serious.
CHARLIE: I know. That's the whole problem. Weekends are supposed to be about not thinking.
COACH: You asked Charlie if he understood drinking wouldn't solve his problems. This put the label "problem" on his behavior in a judgmental way. Look for moments in the future to ask questions that invite Charlie to share his thoughts.