Your friend was really upset when you blew him off. It was a reminder that your actions can affect others, even when you don't mean to hurt anyone. Vic felt excluded and was hurt that you lied.
Miss Henderson: Social bullying is a little different, but we often think it's harmless, like a white lie to spare someone's feelings, if the person never finds out. Social bullying can involve gossiping, sharing secrets or other information that harms someone's reputation and relationships, or even encouraging others to exclude someone. Social bullying sends the message to others that it's okay to be mean, even if the person being targeted never finds out. Social bullying sabotages someone's chance to make their own impression, to make friends, or to move on from a mistake.
Miss Henderson: It can feel uncomfortable to confront someone if you think social bullying is happening. Here are three things you can try:
Speak up. It's not cool to make fun of others. You can be direct and tell the group, or individual person privately, that you don't like what they're saying. You can even find a way to disagree without it being confrontational, something like, "I don’t think that’s funny," or "it’s none of my business."
Ask a question or change the subject. You can change the subject completely to stop people from piling on. This can be a comfortable choice, as it's pretty low risk in most situations. Distractions could sound like, "What pages do we have for math homework again?" or "Did you see that poster on the bulletin board about soccer tryouts?"
Talk about it. Mention it to a friend, older student, mentor or trusted adult. If you're not comfortable in the moment, this can be a good option. Be mindful that some more serious situations, like if someone is at risk of harming themselves or others, require that you talk to a trusted adult.
Miss Henderson: There isn't one right or wrong way to respond in the moment. You decide what you're comfortable with and what makes the most sense. Let me know if you ever want to talk through a situation.
You're about to practice two scenarios where you can decide how to be an upstander. There are several effective options: consider which approaches (or combinations of approaches) you most likely would use in the real world.
You're hanging out with your friends Christopher, Danique, Jenelle, and Trey. Jenelle places a plate of cupcakes on the table in the middle of the room.