You're nervous about talking to Vic after he pulled that prank. You're upset, but don't want to get in a fight. You decide to get some advice from Miss Henderson first.
Miss Henderson: It's normal to feel nervous before having an uncomfortable conversation. We can talk through it a bit, if you like.
You could start by asking a question to get the conversation going. Something that shows you're open and willing to hear Vic's perspective. Which sounds more open to you?
Miss Henderson: After they respond, I take a moment to try to understand from where they're coming. I'll even repeat, or reflect, it back to them in my own words to make sure I got it right. It gives me time to think about it so I'm not just jumping in with a defensive response. Take this situation I had the other week with my cousin, Nora. We were at the movies, and I tripped, spilling soda on her new sweater. We were rushing to get to our seats, so I just brushed it off. Here's what happened after the movie:
Nora: You spilled soda all over my new sweater! And you didn't even apologize!
Which response sounds like a reflection?
Miss Henderson: Those extra few seconds to consider the other person's side of things usually give me enough time to realize I may have played a part in the situation as well. And that's important to voice. Acknowledging some responsibility can let the other person know that you understand the impact of your actions, which carries more weight than simply saying, "I'm sorry." The acknowledgment shows you put real thought into what happened. Often this simple act is enough to ease the tension. The other person will likely admit some fault as well, or forgive. Then comes the best part, getting to do something to reinforce your friendship, like getting ice cream! Let me know how the conversation goes and if the mocha fudge ripple is worth all the hype.
Picture 1: Miss Henderson winks.
After you talk with Miss Henderson, you and Vic bike to a local coffee shop to talk through what happened and try to resolve the conflict in your friendship.
Picture 1: Vic sits across from the player at a table outside of a coffee shop. Vic has light tan skin and dark brown hair. He wears a bright blue t-shirt. Vic looks to the side, and seems unhappy. There is a meter at the bottom of the screen labeled "Vic's comfort level."
Vic: So, you wanted to talk. Talk.
You: What you did to me last week was really messed up.
Picture 2: Vic's eyebrows furrow and his eyes narrow. He looks angry.
Vic: What I did was messed up? You were the one who! Know what? Forget it. I shouldn't have come.
Vic Thought: Of course you only care about your side of things.
You: Of course you didn't want to come after that horrible prank.
Vic: Come on, that prank was, ugh! I was only messing around. And I, I don't know, it's not like I didn't want to come. It's just I needed a little space, okay? You were the one who like. Maybe you don't even remember this, but, couple weeks back you like, flaked on me last minute because you were "sick," and then I see you and EJ hanging out, having a great time, clearly not sick. Come on.
Text on screen: Victor's comfort level goes down.
Vic Thought: How about you take a little responsibility for yourself.
You: You're being so immature right now, blaming me.
Vic: I'm the one being immature? I guess I'm just kind of ticked off, that you'd, that you'd ditch me for EJ. I mean, you aren't usually such a, you know.
Text on screen: Vic's comfort level goes down.
Vic Thought: Alright, I see how it is, you came here to fight.
You: You've been really overwhelming lately. We always stay up way too late and it messed me up.
Vic: What, seriously? This, this is super exhausting! And, fine, you don't want to stay up late, so, so you lie to me?
Picture 3: Vic looks hurt. His comfort level goes down.
Vic: I'm not going to apologize just because I like having fun. If you're looking for me to say this is my fault or something, because it's not. What you did, and what I did, not the same thing.
Vic Thought: You're seriously still blaming me? I can't stand you right now.
You: I can't just forget that you were such an a-hole.
Text on screen: Vic's comfort level meter is completely depleted.
Vic: Okay, well, you're the one coming off like an "a-hole" now. It's just, ugh. I think I need a little time. To, uh, figure all this out. I gotta go. I can't do this right now. We'll talk.
Coach: One month later, you and Vic haven't spoken much and don't have plans to see each other again.
You focused on your perspective instead of sincerely apologizing or forgiving. You left the conversation feeling correct and in charge, but you may have lost a friend and a supporter.