Pic 1: The titlecard “Talking with Your Students” appears briefly. Then the screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard in an empty classroom. A small image of a student’s face with the name “Tamara” underneath appears on the whiteboard.
Ms. Abbie: I’ve found that developing strong relationships with my students has helped me prevent situations from... Escalating. Let me tell you about a student I had a few years ago, Tamara.
I spent a lot of time early in the year building a positive classroom environment, where we did 5-minute check-ins and icebreakers at the beginning of each class.
Pic 2: The word “Identify” appears next to Tamara’s face.
When you know your students, you are better equipped to Identify changes in their behavior. This allowed me to notice a shift in Tamara.
Pic 3: “Approach” appears underneath “Identify.”
Since we already had a relationship, it was easy to Approach her and talk about what I noticed. I found that showing you’re listening helps students feel comfortable opening up.
Pic 4: Lightning bolts and stars appear around Tamara’s head.
Tamara shared that she was feeling overwhelmed with school. We talked about some strategies, but it seemed like there was more to the story.
I felt like I wasn’t (pauses) equipped to help her the way she needed. So, I suggested she check in with the school counselor.
Pic 5: “Refer” appears underneath “Approach.”
She was open to the idea and started going to weekly sessions to help her manage her stress. The conversation we had built trust and made it much easier when I made a Referral to someone with expertise in this kind of thing.
Pic 6: The text fades away and is replaced by the title “Refer” with the text “to a school counselor or administrator” underneath.
If you’re ever feeling unsure, like I was with Tamara, you can always refer a student to a school counselor or administrator. It’s better to err on the side of caution, and let’s face it, any student can benefit from talking to someone.
Pic 7: The text and Tamara’s image fades away and is replaced with the text “Refer Warning Signs” with an orange hazard symbol.
There are times when you need to refer a student immediately, like if a student shares something serious or concerning.
Here are some examples of things a student might talk about that warrant an immediate referral:
Pic 8: The screen fades away and is replaced with a slide with the title “Refer Warning Signs” and the subtitle “Being a burden on others.” In a speech bubble is the example sentence “I’m so needy.”
Pic 9: The text fades and is replaced with the subtitle “Seeking revenge” and the example sentence “She needs to pay.”
Pic 10: The text fades and is replaced with the subtitle “Feeling anxiety or pain” and the example sentence “I have a stomachache or headache.” Underneath is the additional note “If this is something that happens often or seems unusual for the student.”
Pic 11: The text is replaced with the subtitle “Having no reason to live” and the example sentence “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Pic 12: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard with the words “Open-ended Questions” and “Reflections.”
If it isn’t clear whether a student is talking about these things, use open-ended questions and reflections to get clarity.
There isn’t one “perfect moment” or “perfect way” to ask. The most important thing is to talk about it, like I did with Tamara.
Pic 13: A slide titled “Supportive Responses” appears. The following examples appear in speech bubbles:
Pic 14: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard.
If you are ever concerned, it’s always okay to ask a student directly if they are considering suicide. Asking about suicide will not put the idea into a student’s head.
Here are some ways you can ask directly:
Pic 15: A slide titled “Ask Directly” provides the following example sentences in speech bubbles:
Pic 16: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie in front of a whiteboard.
If you think a student is in a lot of distress or at risk of harming themselves or others, stay with the student and get them the in-person support they need immediately.
This will look different in different schools, so check with your administration about who to go to and how to report it.
Pic 17: The text “Refer, show your support” appears along with a symbol of shaking hands.
Referring a student is so much more than handing them off to someone else. Students want to feel supported and know that you’re there with them every step of the way, showing that support is what makes it a warm hand-off.
This can increase their motivation to go.
Pic 18: A slide titled “Elements of Warm Handoff” offers the following example sentences in word bubbles:
Pic 19: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie in front of the whiteboard.
You can give them the choice to walk with you to the counselor’s office or invite the counselor to join you.
This choice gives them some control over what happens, helping them feel empowered, and helping you maintain the trust and rapport you’ve built together.
Pic 20: The words “Observable Behaviors,” “Open-ended Questions,” and “Reflections” appear on the whiteboard.
In the first conversation you used three techniques to help Jake open up: observable behaviors, open-ended questions, and reflections.
But what happens when a student is already feeling upset or angry?
Anyone who is feeling upset can lash out at others... and sometimes it crosses a line where you feel upset by what they’re saying or doing.
When this happens, I’ve found it helpful to use reflections to help empower the student to use strategies they’re familiar with.
Let’s look at an example scenario:
Pic 21: A scenario appears on a slide titled “Chase (Part 1)”:
“Back off.” The bustling room halts. Wide eyes look around the room. Chase shoves the beaker towards Jose. It slips and smashes on the floor. “Oops?” You motion for Chase to meet you in a quiet corner while his group grabs the broom and dust pan. He reluctantly slouches into the chair next to you.
“Would you like to talk about what happened?” you ask.
“He’s just being annoying! He knew it was supposed to be his turn to clean the beakers."
This is the third time this week Chase has had an outburst while transitioning at the end of class.
Pic 22: The screen changes to an image of Ms. Abbie in front of a whiteboard with the words “Take deep breaths” and an icon of a face blowing a breath out.
In examples like these, taking a deep breath is a great place to start. That breath gives you a moment to try to gain perspective. It also gives you a moment to formulate a plan.
Pic 23: The whiteboard changes to an image of two speech bubbles with the title “Reflections.” Underneath is the text “Focus on what the student is saying.”
This is where Reflections can help. Let’s explore using reflections to help the student regulate again. Remember, reflections focus on what a student is saying and encourage them to talk about it.
Pic 24: The next slide is titled “Chase (Part 2) and has the image of a teacher and an angry student with steam over his head saying “Jose just told me I had to clean the beakers! Like he’s in charge or something.” The teacher responds, “You felt like he was telling you what to do.”
Pic 25: The steam above the student’s head is replaced by lightning bolts and his speech bubble now reads “I don’t know what his problem is. I know in the past I didn’t care about that stuff, but like, I do.” The teacher responds, “You feel like in the past you didn’t want to speak up about things that bothered you.”
Pic 26: The lightning bolt disappears and Chase says “(Quietly) Yeah.” The teacher replies “Do you think there are some strategies that could help in these situations?”
Pic 27: Chase responds “Well, I mean, I don’t want to, but, maybe I could try to talk to Jose?” The teacher replies “Definitely. And if there’s anything I can do to help support that conversation, let me know.”
Pic 28: Stars appear above Chase’s head and he says “Right, thanks. And, uh, sorry about the beaker.” The teacher replies “(smiles) I appreciate that.”
Pic 29: The slide disappears and Ms. Abbie reappears in front of the whiteboard.
Reflections help our students feel heard, which can help them open up. Sometimes a quick check-in is enough to de-escalate the situation.
I don’t need to tell you that these conversations don’t always go so smoothly. Especially if there’s more behind the sudden outburst.
And, look, even the best conversations can have unexpected outcomes. That doesn’t mean the conversation didn’t work, it might just mean the student needs more support.
Pic 30: The words “Identify,” “Approach,” and “Refer” appear on the whiteboard. “Identify” is in bold with a checkmark next to it.
Being able to Identify that a student needs more support is the first step in helping them get there. Let’s do that together, now.
Pic 31: The text fades and is replaced by the words “Observable Behaviors,” “Open-ended Questions,” “Reflections.”
Don’t forget to use the techniques you practiced earlier.
Pic 32: The screen changes to an image of Jake with spikes and lightning bolts over his head. The slide includes descriptors of Jake’s behavior, including “Withdrawn,” “Irritable,” and “Had an argument with a friend.”
It’s been a few weeks and you’re noticing that things are not improving. Jake is starting to become more withdrawn, and irritable toward you and his classmates.
Jake had an argument at lunch with his friend that turned into a pushing fight. The lunch supervisor let you know that they talked to Jake and he apologized.
This is out of character, so you decided to sit down with Jake to see what’s been going on.
Pic 33: Ms. Abbie stands in front of a whiteboard with the words, “Identify,” “Approach,” and “Refer.” ‘Approach’ and ‘Refer’ are now in bold with checkmarks while ‘Identify’ is greyed out.
You’re going to get a chance to Approach and Refer.
Let’s get started. But before we jump into the conversation, take a moment now to gauge how you’re feeling about these conversations.