Pic 4: The screen changes to one which contains a still of Kacey and Anna sitting across from each other, and contains the following information:
Goal: Engage in a growth opportunity for Kacey, communicating with a learning mindset.
These are some techniques Anna can use:
Pic 5: The screen transitions fully to a scene where Anna and Kacey sit across from each other at a table.
Kacey: Thanks for talking. I’m glad, I’m glad you have a minute to chat. This thing happened with student government that’s like, getting to me.
Anna: Could you share a little more?
Kacey: Well, the SGA meeting yesterday got a little awkward, and now people aren’t even talking to me. I can’t get it out of my head, have you heard anything about it?
Anna: A little.
Kacey: Yeah well, that.
Anna: From your perspective, what was different about this meeting?
Kacey: Different? (scoffs) SGA is supposed to be a place where people can like, talk through difficult issues without, I don’t know. Taking things so personally. We should respect each other.
Anna: And you felt like that happened more in previous meetings than this one.
Kacey: Yeah! This time it was, I don’t know.
We were talking about, I think they used the words, “undocumented” or “unauthorized” students, and I was like, we have so many issues to tackle, important issues, I’m not sure it’s a priority to focus on illegal immigrants here.
Anna: (acknowledging) Mm hm.
Kacey: But the second I said that it was boom. Everyone started, yelling at me, and calling me, well I knew what they wanted to call me. And now they’re all kinda, ignoring me.
Coach: Kacey was willing to share her perspective with Anna when she asked an open-ended question.
Anna: It seems like people reacted most strongly after you used the phrase “illegal immigrant.”
Kacey: And I get it, some people use different words for the same thing and, and maybe they wanted me to use another phrase, but It’s not about the words. I was trying to make a larger point, and we didn’t talk about that like, at all.
Coach: Anna listened to what Kacey was telling her and reflected it back to her. Anna showed that she understands and is willing to help, and Kacey felt comfortable continuing to share with her.
Anna: So, you feel like the most important part of student government is to, for everyone to communicate with each other.
Kacey: Yeah. And respect each other. Not like, work together to push someone away.
If I’m being honest, I don’t even totally understand what the big deal is. With the words I used. Like I kinda get that it wasn’t, “correct,” but, not totally sure why. ’Cause I hear that term used a lot.
Coach: Anna used a reflection that showed she understands Kacey’s viewpoint. She felt comfortable telling Anna more because she believes she is there to help her.
Anna: I didn’t know much about how people felt about the term "illegal immigrant" either, I looked it up. Could I share with you what I read?
Kacey: I guess so.
Anna: Well, I saw this person who wrote about how there’s a difference between a person who does something that’s against the law versus describing a person as illegal. Like.
Well, okay let’s say I’m driving. And, and I get pulled over for speeding, and I get a ticket. I broke the law, but that doesn’t make me, me as a person, against the law.
Kacey: (considering) Uh huh.
Anna: And when we describe a person as illegal, well, In the end, it’s about respect, showing respect for each other’s humanity. You never know the experiences of the people you’re talking to. And like you know as a member of the SGA, we want a community where people, all people, feel like they belong.
What do you think about all that?
Kacey: I, I didn’t really think about that before. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone, or anything. I’ve just heard that term used by other people.
Anna: I believe you didn’t intend to cause harm. At the same time, even when we don’t mean to offend someone, when we do, it’s important to respond to it. Language changes over time, and the most important thing, like you said, is to try to think about the impact of our words on other people. Ideally, we catch ourselves before we say something that could cause a harmful impact in the first place. How’s that sound to you?
Kacey: I mean, that’s kinda, yeah. That sounds good. And, and if it’s better to use a word like “undocumented” or “unauthorized” or whatever, I can do that.
Coach: Asking Kacey’s permission to give new information can reduce defensiveness and make sure she’s ready to hear it.
Anna: Hurting people wasn’t your intention, even if that’s what ended up happening.
Kacey: Yeah, I try to be nice to people no matter what. In this case, I didn’t mean to. That’s just the term I always heard my family or whoever use. I guess for other people it’s hurtful, so, I don’t feel good about that. Like I said, I wasn’t trying to offend anyone,
Coach: Anna interpreted what Kacey was telling her and reflected it back to her. Kacey knows Anna’s listening without judgment and is there to help.
Kacey: (sigh) This whole thing is so awkward. Sure, maybe I said something offensive, or hurtful, cause I don’t have a full understanding. But what am I supposed to do now, if I want to try and do better in the future? I don’t want them to be mad at me for like, ever.
Anna: Want to talk about possible next steps?
Kacey: Yeah, yeah I’d like that.
Anna: Before I suggest an approach, what are you thinking about in terms of a response?
Kacey: I guess, I’d probably want to start with an apology, acknowledge that I hurt people’s feelings.
I’m not sure though, it might not do much.
Coach: Asking Kacey what she’s thinking of doing shows respect. She’s more receptive to hearing Anna’s advice when she shows Kacey she’s listening to what she has to say.
Anna: Can I suggest how you might frame your apology, if you decide to give one?
Kacey: Yeah, that might, I think that’d be helpful.
Anna: Well, apologies on their own can only do so much. It might help to acknowledge specific ways you see room for improvement. Show a commitment to keep this experience in mind for the future.
Kacey: Hmm, I get that. Maybe they’ll see I’m like, trying, at least. Not just saying it.
Anna: Yeah. So in this case, you know, you could express an interest in reducing language that could hurt others in general. What do you think about that?
Kacey: Hmm, yeah, that’s, yeah.