Pic 0: The screen changes to one which contains a still of Kacey and Anna sitting across from each other, and contains the following information:
Goal: Engage in a growth opportunity for Kacey, communicating with a learning mindset.
These are some techniques Anna can use:
Pic 1: The screen transitions fully to a scene where Anna and Kacey sit across from each other at a table.
Kacey: Thanks for talking. I’m glad, I’m glad you have a minute to chat. This thing happened with student government that’s like, getting to me.
Anna: Could you share a little more?
Kacey: Well, the SGA meeting yesterday got a little awkward, and now people aren’t even talking to me. I can’t get it out of my head, have you heard anything about it?
Anna: A little.
Kacey: Yeah well, that.
Anna: Do you know what made people get upset?
Kacey: No. I mean, do you even really know what happened?
Anna: Well, I heard at the meeting, you said something that upset some people.
Kacey: (sarcastic) Guess that’s all you need to know.
Kacey’s thought: Thought you were gonna understand where I was coming from.
Coach: Kacey felt Anna wasn’t willing to listen to what she had to say. Anna should try asking an open-ended question to show she wants Kacey to share with her.
Anna: I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Talk me through what happened at the SGA meeting.
Kacey: Okay. Well, we were talking about, I think they used the words, “undocumented,” or “unauthorized” students, and I was like, we have so many issues to tackle- important issues, I’m not sure it’s a priority to focus on illegal immigrants here.
Anna: (acknowledging) Mm hm.
Kacey: But the second I said that it was, boom. Everyone started yelling at me, and calling me- well I knew what they wanted to call me. And now they’re all kinda ignoring me.
Coach: Kacey was not willing to share when Anna asked a closed-ended question but was more open to sharing her perspective with Anna when she asked an open-ended question.
Anna: You know, people might have listened to you more if you’d used different language.
Kacey: Maybe. But they weren’t, you know, respecting me. That’s the whole point of SGA.
I honestly don’t think you really get what it was like for me.
Coach: Kacey isn’t ready to hear advice, first she wants to make sure that Anna understands her perspective. Anna should try using a reflection to show she’s listening and she gets where Kacey’s coming from.
Anna: From what you were saying a minute ago, the sense I got was you wanted people to pay more attention to your ideas.
Kacey: They got like, so caught up in this one phrase I used that they stopped listening.
Coach: After Anna gave Kacey her opinion, she listened to what Kacey was telling her and reflected it back to her. Anna showed that she understands and is willing to help, and Kacey felt comfortable continuing to share with her.
Anna: If you want people to listen to your ideas, you might want to show them you’re listening too.
Kacey: (dismissive) Sure. I’ll, keep that in mind.
Kacey: I mean, I wish there was some way to get them to understand what I was trying to say, not just the couple words that weren’t like, the “correct” term. ’Cause that’s a pretty commonly used term. I just don’t get why people have to be so controlling about the language we use.
Coach: Anna gave Kacey advice on how to solve her problem. She wasn’t ready to hear it. Anna should try reflecting back what she’s telling her so she knows she understands.
Anna: I’ve heard the word, “illegal,” it can be hurtful. When it’s used to describe a person in general.
Kacey: Uh huh.
I don’t get it, though. It’s just a word.
Kacey’s thought: If that’s the term some people use, I don’t get what makes this such a big deal.
Coach: The impulse to immediately provide information is understandable, but not the most effective approach. Anna should try using “ask-tell-ask” to ask Kacey permission to share with her or ask her what she already knows to reduce defensiveness and perceived judgment.
Anna: So what’s your understanding of the impact of the term “illegal immigrant?”
Kacey: Honestly I don’t know, really. It’s used by a lot of people.
Anna: Okay.
Can I share a little with you about my understanding of the impact of that term? “Illegal immigrant?”
Kacey: Sure. I guess.
Anna: Well, okay let’s say I’m driving. And, and I get pulled over for speeding, and I get a ticket. I broke the law, but that doesn’t make me, me as a person, against the law.
Kacey: (considering) Uh huh.