Campbell struggled to talk with Stephanie in a way that made her feel comfortable and supported. Look at what he can do differently, then watch him replay the conversation.
Conversation Goals
Goal 1: Help Stephanie Feel Comfortable Enough to Discuss What’s Been Happening
Campbell earned a yellow check minus. He helped Stephanie feel safe and confident enough to open up. But while doing so, he also made a dismissive statement about how upset she’s been.
Goal 2: Connect Stephanie to Support
Campbell earned a red X. Stephanie ended the conversation before Mr. Campbell could connect her to support.
Effective Techniques
These are things for Mr. Campbell to remember when dealing with this incident:
Showed He’s Listening
By either asking closed ended questions or by not picking up on something specific Stephanie said, he failed to show that he was interested in Stephanie’s perspective and listening.
Empathized
Campbell missed an opportunity to empathize with Stephanie’s situation or how difficult it may be for her to open up about her situation.
Assured
Campbell missed an opportunity to assure Stephanie that Jordan’s behavior won’t be tolerated by the school.
Make a Plan
Campbell did not make a specific plan for connecting Stephanie to the school’s designated official for bullying.
Common Pitfalls
For this type of conversation, Mr. Campbell should be sure to avoid:
Reprimanding the Victim
“You can’t be leaving class all the time like you have been.”
By immediately reprimanding Stephanie, Mr. Campbell almost missed the opportunity to find out if there were valid reasons for her behavior. Taking this approach made Stephanie feel uneasy at first.
Downplaying the Topic of Bullying
“Sixth grade is hard for everyone.”
Campbell dismissed Stephanie’s situation before learning what was going on. He may have meant well, but by preemptively downplaying the bullying, he sent the message that he might not be interested in helping Stephanie address her specific conflict.
Blaming the Victim
Even though Mr. Campbell didn’t make Stephanie feel at fault for her bullying, he did not learn enough about her situation to be able to help reassure her either.
Incorrectly Referring the Student
Campbell did not have the opportunity to successfully refer Stephanie. Next time, he should make sure to learn enough about the situation and allow Stephanie to open up to him, so he can properly refer her.
Recommendations
When dealing with incidents like this in real life, the key to an effective response is to:
Stick to making neutral observations about specific, observable behavior.
Encourage the student to open up by offering words of support and using open ended questions.
Clearly inform the student of the school’s policy toward bullying and assure them that the situation will be addressed.
Avoid putting the focus on the aggressor, downplaying the bullying, or making the student feel they should’ve done more to stand up for themselves.
Make a specific, immediate action plan that directly connects the student to support.
