Positive Parenting

Talk with Stephanie

Ineffective Example

Pic 0: Mr. Campbell, a medium brown skinned man, is sitting at a desk across from Stephanie, a medium skinned young girl.

Mr. Campbell: Thanks for taking a minute to talk, Stephanie.

Stephanie: Sure, but, I'm going to be late for my next class.

Mr. Campbell: It’ll be okay, I can write you a pass.

Stephanie: Oh. Um, okay.

Coach: There is a grey comfort meter at the bottom of the screen which is currently filled halfway.

Mr. Campbell decides to give a warning and chooses the following dialogue option:

Mr. Campbell: You really can't be leaving class all the time like you have been.

Stephanie: Oh. Um. I’m sorry. Am, am I in trouble?

Coach: By immediately disciplining Stephanie, Mr. Campbell is missing an opportunity to find out if there are valid reasons for her behavior. As a teacher, he is in a great position to notice changes in student behavior and help students find solutions that could have a long term impact.

The comfort meter turns green and decreases by a small amount.

Mr. Campbell decides to respond and chooses the following dialogue option:

Mr. Campbell: Well, it’s just that class participation is a big part of your grade.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Mr. Campbell: And if you’re not getting involved and leaving all the time, well.

Stephanie: Right. Got it. Sorry. Just, things have been, not great. 

Coach: Mr. Campbell’s goal in this conversation is not to talk about Stephanie’s grades but to find out more about what’s causing her behavior. He should try asking open ended questions and making more neutral sounding observations.

The comfort meter decreases by a small amount.

Mr. Campbell decides to follow up and chooses the following dialogue option:

Mr. Campbell: Is it something here at school?

Stephanie: (unsure) Um, well, yeah? Maybe?

Coach: Asking closed (yes or no) questions tends to result in shorter, less informative answers. Instead, Mr. Campbell should ask an open ended question to get Stephanie to open up.

Mr. Campbell decides to empathize and chooses the following dialogue option:

Mr. Campbell: Sixth grade is hard for everyone.

Stephanie: Um. Yeah. Totally. Can I get that pass now? I need to go to class.

Coach: Stephanie doesn’t feel encouraged to open up. Next time, Mr. Campbell should encourage her by making neutral sounding observations about her behavior, asking open ended questions, and steering the conversations away from grades or discipline.