Faculty:
Staff:
PIC 1: Rama is presenting in class with his partner, Steven. They get to a blank slide. A word bubble appears over Rama’s head which reads “This was your slide! Do I have to do everything myself?”
MS. SINGH: You can’t treat other students like that, Rama. Apologize.
RAMA: What? But he didn’t do his work! He should apologize to me!
MS. SINGH: We can talk about this later.
PIC 2:Rama and Steven finish presenting. At the end of class, Ms. Singh asks Rama to stay and talk.
MS. SINGH: We need to discuss your presentation.
RAMA: Ugh, I don’t have time right now.
MS. SINGH: How about 10 AM tomorrow? There’s a meeting room in the library.
RAMA: I guess I can try to make that work.
MS. SINGH: Hey, Rama. Thanks for meeting with me.
RAMA: Yeah, sure.
MS. SINGH: I was hoping we could talk a bit about how you’ve been doing lately.
RAMA: (hesitant) Okay.
MS. SINGH: You really blew up in class.
RAMA: It wasn’t that bad.
MS. SINGH: I’d never seen you lose your temper before.
RAMA: I mean, he didn’t do his work, so I got upset. I just, argh, it feels like there’s so much going on with work, and school, and family, and… life.
COACH: Ms. Singh brought up behavior of Rama’s that she noticed, but Rama felt judged and defensive. Ms. Singh should try to bring up behavior in a neutral, nonjudgmental way, giving the student space to speak about the situation, how they feel about it, and helping them address it.
MS. SINGH: You should’ve reviewed the presentation before class.
RAMA: I wanted to! We were going to practice, but Steven blew me off, and I tried to reschedule but there were literally no times we could meet. I guess I could’ve double-checked his slides before class…
MS. SINGH: Ah, so that’s the issue.
RAMA: I mean, I guess. Normally I would review it, but I had to miss a bunch of classes at the beginning of the semester because my dad passed away, and it’s just, it’s been hard to keep up, since.
MS. SINGH: Sorry about your father, Rama.
RAMA: (nods)
COACH: Rama felt Ms. Singh was blaming him for his reaction in class. When students are experiencing stress, it can be a barrier to their academic success. Ms. Singh should try asking open-ended questions to encourage Rama to share with her.
MS. SINGH: So, now you just need to work on your time management.
RAMA: (frustrated) Seriously?
MS. SINGH: There are lots of things you can do to help, like
RAMA: (interrupts, exasperated) I have reminders on my phone for something every fifteen minutes, I have ten different to-do lists, I don’t know what else I can be doing.
COACH: Ms. Singh gave Rama advice on how to address the situation. He wasn’t ready to hear advice and felt judged. She should try reflecting back what he’s telling her, so he knows she understands.
MS. SINGH: I had a job in college, too, and I managed okay.
RAMA: Well, it’s good to hear it’s possible, I guess. But we’re… different people, you know?
MS. SINGH: I’m just saying that you’re capable, and it is possible.
RAMA: Yeah, I just, wish it felt that way.
COACH: Ms. Singh tried to relate to Rama, but he felt like she was minimizing his experiences and difficulties in this moment.
RAMA: Sorry, I’ve been complaining. I won’t… have anything like what happened in class happen again.
MS. SINGH: Oh, okay. Honestly, feeling overworked is just a part of adult life.
RAMA: That doesn’t make me feel any better. Glad I can look forward to 65 more years of hardcore stress.
MS. SINGH: Well, it’s not all bad.
RAMA: You’re right. Only a few more years till I can get a rental car. (sarcastic) Woohoo.
COACH: Ms. Singh tried to cheer Rama up by normalizing feeling overworked, but he felt like she was minimizing his difficulties in this moment.
MS. SINGH: How’s the rest of your family taking your father’s death?
RAMA: (sigh) Not great, but I don’t think anyone really takes that kind of thing well. I don’t really want to talk about it.
MS. SINGH: That’s totally fine.
COACH: Ms. Singh tried asking an open-ended question to get Rama to share what he’s going through. But remember, you don’t want to dig too deep into a student’s personal life.
MS. SINGH: Are you on financial aid?
RAMA: (uncomfortable) Um, yeah.
MS. SINGH: Oh, okay.
COACH: Ms. Singh tried asking a question to get Rama to share what he’s going through. But remember, you don’t want to dig too deep into a student’s personal life.
MS. SINGH: Let’s talk about where you can find help dealing with all of this.
RAMA: Um, okay. Like, what do you mean?
MS. SINGH: It sounds like this is too much for you to deal with on your own.
RAMA: Um. Okay. Not really sure what you mean by that.
MS. SINGH: I’m just saying you don’t have to do this alone. There are resources to help you.
COACH: Ms. Singh shared her concern with Rama and told him she thinks it would benefit him to talk to someone else. Rama felt judged and was less open to the idea of getting support. Ms. Singh should try giving Rama the information he needs to be able to make his own choices.
RAMA: I don’t need any ’resources.’ I should be able to deal with this on my own.
MS. SINGH: Well, would you be okay if we just talked about it? Just so you know what options are there in case you decide to use them.
RAMA: That’s fine, I guess.
MS. SINGH: I know the school has some resources. Maybe you could look into those?
RAMA: (unconvinced) Um. Okay. I guess I could try. But like, what?
COACH: Ms. Singh told Rama that there are resources available, but left the work to him. She should try discussing referral options, so he has a good sense of where he can go for more support. Or offer to look at the school website together.
MS. SINGH: The financial aid office might be able to help out with tuition. You could tell them how your situation has changed, and they might be able to help you figure something out.
RAMA: Yeah, maybe, I just figure there’s all these forms and paperwork I need to have, and my mom won’t know how to help. I haven’t really tried to talk to them.
COACH: Ms. Singh explained how the financial aid office might be helpful, giving Rama the information he needed to be able to make his own choices. This showed Rama that she was there to support him and she understood what he was going through.
MS. SINGH: The financial aid office might be able to help, if you actually try talking to them.
RAMA: (annoyed) Yeah, I mean, I guess.
MS. SINGH: Well, is it okay if I email you in a week? Just to see how looking into resources is going.
RAMA: Yeah, that’s fine.
MS. SINGH: You’re a really bright student, Rama. I want you to succeed.
RAMA: Thanks. And thanks for talking to me about stuff.
MS. SINGH: Of course.
Ms. Singh’s follow-up conversation with Rama was effective in informing him about the resources that are available to help him, but he doesn’t feel fully supported in seeking out help.
De-escalation with Rama
Ms. Singh tried to address the situation with Rama when she said, “You cannot disrespect other students like that, Rama. Apologize.”
She tried to address the situation in her classroom, but she lectured Rama, which is not the most effective way to defuse a tense situation. Next time she should try inviting Rama to share how he’s doing.
She said, “We need to discuss your presentation.”
She tried to address the situation in her classroom, but she pressed Rama for an explanation, which is not the most effective way to defuse a tense situation. Next time she should try inviting Rama to share how he’s doing.
Ms. Singh commented on Rama’s behavior, but it wasn’t specific or neutral. She said, “You really blew up in class.”
An exaggeration like “blew up” will likely make the other person defensive.
Next time, Ms. Singh should try commenting on Rama’s recent behavior in a specific and neutral way. She could say something like, “I noticed you raised your voice in class.”
Ms. Singh tried to talk to Rama about how he’s been doing lately, but her comments did not encourage further discussion.
She said, “You should’ve reviewed the presentation before class.”
Telling Rama he should have worked harder on his presentation carries judgment about him as a student. He was not asking for this kind of advice and felt unsupported.
Next time Ms. Singh should try asking open-ended questions that show Rama it’s safe to share and give him space to open up.
Ms. Singh tried to give Rama advice when she said, “So, now you just need to work on your time management.”
Telling Rama he needs to improve his time management didn’t give him the impression she was trying to understand his perspective. He wasn’t asking for this kind of advice and felt unsupported.
Next time, Ms. Singh should try reflecting back what Rama’s saying to show she understands how he feels and where he’s coming from.
Ms. Singh tried to normalize what Rama’s going through when she said, “I had a job in college, too, and I managed okay.”
She tried to relate to Rama, but she implied he shouldn’t be struggling. That didn’t give him the impression she was trying to understand his perspective. He felt unsupported.
She missed an opportunity to show Rama she supports him and she’s on his side.
She said, “Honestly, feeling overworked is just a part of adult life.”
She tried to make Rama feel better by normalizing feeling overworked, but he felt like she was minimizing his difficulties.
Next time, Ms. Singh should try showing Rama she understands where he’s coming from and she’s on his side.
Ms. Singh tried to support Rama when she said, “It sounds like this is too much for you to deal with on your own.”
Next time, Ms. Singh should try asking Rama if he’d like to talk about referral options. Telling him this is too much for him alone comes across as pressuring and judgmental.
She told Rama what she thought he needed to do.
She said, “The financial aid office might be able to help, if you actually try talking to them.”
Rama felt pressured. Ms. Singh should try sharing information about support options and giving him the space he needs to make his own choices.
Ms. Singh should make sure to be nonjudgmental when discussing referral options with Rama so he feels supported. For example, she could ask Rama his opinion on one of the options by saying, “How do you think you’d feel about going to the student grief group?”
PIC 3: Rama is presenting in class with his partner, Steven. They get to a blank slide. A word bubble appears over Rama’s head which reads “This was your slide! Do I have to do everything myself?”
MS. SINGH: Rama, do you want to take a break outside?
RAMA: I, thanks, but I’m okay. Sorry.
PIC 4:Rama and Steven finish presenting. At the end of class, Ms. Singh asks Rama to stay and talk.
MS. SINGH: How’d you feel, talking with me about how you’ve been lately?
RAMA: That’d be okay. I don’t really have time right now, though…
MS. SINGH: How about 10 AM tomorrow? There’s a meeting room in the library.
RAMA: Yeah, I can do that.
MS. SINGH: Hey, Rama. Thanks for meeting with me.
RAMA: Yeah, sure.
MS. SINGH: I was hoping we could talk a bit about how you’ve been doing lately.
RAMA: (hesitant) Okay.
MS. SINGH: I noticed you raised your voice in class.
Rama: Yeah, I know, I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.
MS. SINGH: It’s okay, I’m just, this is the first time I’ve heard you raise your voice like that. I’m not sure what things have been like for you in other classes.
Rama: Not, I’ve never yelled in class before, no. I just have a lot of stuff right now. School, and work, and family, and life.
COACH: Ms. Singh brought up a specific behavior she noticed. Bringing up behavior in a neutral way gives the student space to speak about the situation, how they feel about it, and can help them solve it.
MS. SINGH: What can I do to help you out in class?
RAMA: You mean besides telling Steven to do his share of the work?
MS. SINGH: (small chuckle)
RAMA: Mmm, I’d have to think about it.
MS. SINGH: Okay. Well, I’m not going to dock your grade for the presentation, or anything. And if you have any other issues come up during your group work, you can always come to me and we’ll talk about it.
RAMA: Oh, okay. Thanks. Yeah, I just, usually I would double check the slides before a presentation, but, I don’t know, I had to miss a bunch of classes at the beginning of the semester because my dad passed away, and it’s just, it’s been hard to keep up, since.
MS. SINGH: Sorry about your father, Rama.
RAMA: I just feel so overwhelmed, and that is, it’s not who I am.
COACH: Ms. Singh asked Rama an open-ended question about what she can do to help him, giving him space to share his concerns. Showing him that she’s on his side and she wants to support him.
MS. SINGH: Life is intense for you right now, and it’s been hard to keep up with schoolwork.
RAMA: Yeah, exactly. I mean, there’s just literally not enough hours in the day. By the time I get home from my shifts, I just pass out on my bed, wake up, and do it all over again. My mom doesn’t have time to work, though, so… I mean, she’s told me she’s really proud of how much I’m doing, but also… it’s not like I really have a choice.
COACH: Ms. Singh interpreted what Rama was telling her and reflected it back to him. He knows she’s listening and is there to help.
RAMA: I had to start my job not that long ago, because my mom has to take care of my sisters. I have to drink so much coffee just to stay awake during the day, and then, when I get home, I’m all jittery and can’t focus on my assignments.
MS. SINGH: Having to deal with schoolwork on top of a job sounds really difficult.
RAMA: Right? It just feels impossible. And I try to explain to teachers and ask for extensions, but they either don’t get it, or just don’t care.
COACH: Ms. Singh listened to what Rama was telling her and reflected it back to him. Showing she understood and was willing to help.
RAMA: I’m the first person in my family to go to college, so there’s a lot of pressure on me to do really well. And my dad was always so supportive, helping me study, encouraging me and stuff. Ever since he died, I don’t really know how to handle it all.
MS. SINGH: Mm-hmm.
RAMA: Anyway, thanks for listening to me.
MS. SINGH: When you think of yourself as someone who has it together, feeling overwhelmed can really throw you off.
RAMA: Yeah, definitely. It’s like, I’ve always been the guy who has it figured out, right? So, if I don’t have it figured out…
MS. SINGH: Mm-hmm.
COACH: Ms. Singh listened to what Rama was telling her and reflected it back to him. Showing she understood and was willing to help.
MS. SINGH: Let’s talk about where you can find help dealing with all of this.
RAMA: Um, okay. Like, what do you mean?
MS. SINGH: Would it be alright if we go over some campus resources that might be able to help?
COACH: Ms. Singh started the conversation about referrals by asking Rama’s permission to talk about it. This helped Rama know she respected his feelings and was there to support him.
RAMA: Well, I guess I’m willing to listen.
MS. SINGH: Okay, great. I just want you to know what options are there in case you decide to use them. The financial aid office might be able to help out with tuition. You could tell them how your situation has changed, and they might be able to help you figure something out.
RAMA: Yeah, maybe. I just figure there’s all these forms and paperwork I need to have, and my mom won’t know how to help… I haven’t really tried to talk to them.
COACH: Ms. Singh explained how the financial aid office might be helpful, giving Rama the information he needed to be able to make his own choices. This showed Rama that she was there to support him and she understood what he was going through.
MS. SINGH: How do you feel about going to the counseling center? It can really help to have someone to talk to.
RAMA: Oh, that’s not for me.
MS. SINGH: What makes you say that?
RAMA: In my family, we don’t… we keep our issues to ourselves. My mom would be really upset if she found out I was talking about our problems to strangers.
COACH: Ms. Singh explained how talking to someone at the counseling center might be helpful, giving Rama the information he needed to be able to make his own choices. This showed Rama that she was there to support him and she understood what he was going through.
MS. SINGH: The student grief group could be helpful because they’ll be able to understand what you’re going through.
RAMA: Student grief group? That’s… a thing?
MS. SINGH: Mm-hmm. It’s a group of students who’ve all experienced loss, and they meet once a week to talk about what they’re dealing with, and how they’re managing.
COACH: Ms. Singh explained how the student grief group might be helpful, giving Rama the information he needed to be able to make his own choices. This showed Rama that she was there to support him and she understood what he was going through.
MS. SINGH: What’s it like talking to your friends about what’s going on in your life?
RAMA: I’ve tried a few times, but, I don’t know, when I hang out with my friends, that’s like, the only time I’m NOT thinking about my problems. Also, they just don’t really… get it.
MS. SINGH: I see.
COACH: Ms. Singh tried to learn about Rama’s support system, inviting him to share.
MS. SINGH: Well, is it okay if I email you in a week? Just to see how looking into resources is going.
RAMA: Yeah, that’s fine.
MS. SINGH: You’re a really bright student, Rama. I want you to succeed.
RAMA: I haven’t really told anyone a lot of the stuff that’s been going on. It was nice to get it off my chest.
MS. SINGH: Of course.
RAMA: Without my dad, it’s been… really tough, to say the least.
MS. SINGH: That makes sense.
RAMA: I might actually try talking to someone about it.
MS. SINGH: Yeah? I’d be interested to know how that goes.
RAMA: Definitely. Thanks.
Ms. Singh did a good job showing Rama she’s there for him and encouraging him to reach out to additional support. He knows there are resources to help him and has the information he needs to choose which support will be right for him.
Ms. Singh did a good job defusing the situation with Rama. She said, “Rama, do you want to take a break outside?”
This was a great question that gave Rama the opportunity to take space if he needed it.
She said, “How would you feel talking with me about how things have been for you lately?”
This was a great open ended question that asked Rama’s permission to talk about how he’s doing.
Ms. Singh did a great job commenting on a specific behavior in a neutral way.
She said, “I noticed you raised your voice in class.”
She broached the subject of Rama’s outburst in class in a neutral way, giving him space to share how he was feeling without feeling defensive.
Ms. Singh did a great job asking open-ended questions.
She said, “What can I do to help you out in class?”
This question gave Rama space to share his concerns. She showed him it was safe to share with her.
Ms. Singh did a great job reflecting how Rama was feeling when she said, “Life is intense for you right now, and it’s been hard to keep up with schoolwork.”
She interpreted what Rama was saying. He could tell she understood what he told her.
She did a good job bringing up something Rama said earlier in the conversation. She mentioned how he’s feeling overwhelmed and thrown off his game, showing she really heard and understood his concerns.
Ms. Singh showed empathy for Rama and what he’s experiencing when she said, “Having to deal with schoolwork on top of a job sounds really difficult.”
She showed Rama she understands where he’s coming from. He felt it was safe to open up to her.
Ms. Singh did a good job referring Rama for support. She said, “Would it be alright if we go over some campus resources that might be able to help?”
By asking Rama’s permission to talk about referral options, she showed him she respects him and his agency.
She talked to Rama about referral options, so he had enough information to make his own decisions.
She said, “What’s it like talking to your friends about what’s going on in your life?”
She tried to learn about Rama’s support system, this can help her understand what kinds of support would be helpful for him. It could also help Rama problem solve and think of options of who he can talk to.