JACKIE: As educators, we play an essential role in creating safe and inclusive school environments, but our schools can sometimes be affected by issues we don’t directly see.
Students may have problems at home or conflicts with other students that make school stressful and disrupt effective learning.
You might notice drastic shifts in a student’s academic growth or performance, their physical appearance - like severe weight change - or their behavior, such as emotional outbursts or constant worrying. But when you sense that something is wrong, how do you approach that student and provide support?
In the next scenario, you will play Mr. Campbell, a 6th grade language arts teacher. Your student Stephanie did well in the first half of the year. She’s not the most talkative girl, but she made insightful comments, participated in class, submitted her assignments on time, and generally got along well with other students.
Yet, during the first six weeks of the spring semester, Stephanie has already missed five days of class. When she was present, she barely participated.
And some days she excuses herself to the nurse’s office right before the end of class, saying she isn't feeling well.
Today, you’ve asked Stephanie to stay for a few minutes after class. Your goals are to help her feel comfortable enough to talk about what might be bothering her and then connect her to any support she may need.
Your Goals:
There are tactics that can help you achieve these goals. First, make neutral observations about specific things you’ve noticed, and ask open-ended questions to encourage her to share. Then show empathy for what she’s going through, and summarize what she’s saying to show that you're listening and you understand. Let's take a moment to read examples of these tactics.
As Stephanie’s teacher, you can help create a safe learning environment for her. This conversation could be the first step in getting her any help she needs and building her support network to be prepared for future challenges.
CAMPBELL: Thanks for taking a minute to talk, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: (a little hesitant, confused) Sure, but... I'm gonna be late for my next class.
CAMPBELL: It'll be okay, I can write you a pass.
STEPHANIE: Oh. Um... Okay.
CAMPBELL: I couldn't help but notice that... You've left class to go to the nurse's office several times this week.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. I haven't been feeling that good.
CAMPBELL: You've also seemed quieter in class lately. (then with a smile) Which surprises me because I thought you were enjoying the Ancient Greeks.
STEPHANIE: I was, I- I do. They're super cool, it's just... things have been... not great.
FEEDBACK: Good job. By bringing up specific, observable behaviors, you broached the topic in a way that didn’t make Stephanie defensive. As a result, she started to open up and share how she's been feeling lately.
CAMPBELL: What makes you say things are "not great”?
STEPHANIE: Um. I'm just getting crap from people and it's kinda... making my life suck.
CAMPBELL: What are people doing?
FEEDBACK: Good job. By picking up on something specific Stephanie said, you showed her that you were listening. You then invited her to share with an open-ended question.
STEPHANIE: (timidly) There's this boy in Mr. Braungart's class across the hall? Jordan? And whenever he sees me he always, like... says a bunch of stuff and gets other kids to laugh at me...
CAMPBELL: What kind of things does he say?
STEPHANIE: Like... Stuff.
STEPHANIE: He follows me in the hall after your class is over and, like... Calls me names, makes jokes... calls me, like... (sheepish) fat and stuff, and like... He's been doing it for weeks.
CAMPBELL: So that's why you've been asking to go to the nurse's office.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. Her office is right near my 5th period class; and, when the bell rings, I can just go to class and don't have to see him.
FEEDBACK: Now that you've learned what's been troubling Stephanie, consider taking the time to acknowledge that she shared something difficult with you and to learn more about the alleged bullying and her support network.
CAMPBELL: I'm glad you're sharing this. I know talking about these things is... not always easy.
STEPHANIE: It's just, like... why. Why does he have to be such a butt?... (smaller, quieter) Sorry, but... It's like every day. He does it in gym, too... sings these stupid songs at me before roll call. I hate it. I guess I should've said something to someone, I'm just... kinda used to people blowing me off... (beat) No offense.
CAMPBELL: (with a smile, warm, empathetic) None taken. What matters is that you're saying something now. And I'm glad you did.
FEEDBACK: Nice. By acknowledging how painful bullying can be and praising Stephanie for her willingness to open up, you made her feel listened to and respected. As a result, she continued to share her experience.
CAMPBELL: Who else have you been able to talk to about this?
STEPHANIE: Um... You're the first teacher.
CAMPBELL: What about family, friends?
STEPHANIE: I haven't said anything to my parents... I did talk to my friend Kara, but... It's, like... She doesn't get it. She's tougher than I am or something... She tells me I should just dish it back and make fun of his stupid haircut. (beat.) I'm thinking that would make things worse.
CAMPBELL: That's probably good thinking.
STEPHANIE: (sigh) It just sucks.
FEEDBACK: Very nice. You're using open-ended questions and learning more about Stephanie's situation.
CAMPBELL: So here's what I'm hearing so far, Stephanie... Jordan is harassing you, saying things that make you uncomfortable, making you feel bad about yourself. He gets other students to laugh along. It happens in the hall after my class and it happens during gym.
FEEDBACK: Now that Stephanie has shared her situation and you've gathered a little more information, it's time to connect her to support.
CAMPBELL: Stephanie, what do you know about how our school handles bullying?
STEPHANIE: Um... Not much? I've seen posters in the cafeteria about stopping bullying but that’s really it.
CAMPBELL: Right. So, Ms. Dixon is our school's designated person who handles situations like this. Her job is to meet with students who are experiencing issues, learn more about what they're going through, who's involved, and then come up with a way to make sure it stops happening. What do you think about that?
STEPHANIE: Um... But... If Jordan finds out I said something, isn’t that just gonna make it worse?...
CAMPBELL: If it does, then that's part of the bullying and we'll take steps to address it.
STEPHANIE: Um. Okay. So what do I need to do?
CAMPBELL: Why don't we both meet with Ms. Dixon today? If you'd like. She and I are free 7th period.
STEPHANIE: (happily surprised) Oh. Okay. Yeah, that'd be sweet. I have science then, with Ms. Carson.
CAMPBELL: Okay, I'll talk to Ms. Carson and let her know you'll be a little late. It won't be a problem.
STEPHANIE: Cool... Thanks, Mr. C.
FEEDBACK: Good job referring Stephanie to the school's designated official for bullying. By offering to go with her, you let her know that you're invested in helping her and that the school will address Jordan's behavior.
CAMPBELL: Thanks for taking the time to talk, Stephanie. I'm glad you let me know what's been going on.
STEPHANIE: (lukewarm) Yeah. Sure.
CAMPBELL: I'll write down Ms. Dixon's room number. I'll talk to her during lunch and let her know we're coming by. And together, we're going to make sure it stops.
STEPHANIE: Awesome.
CAMPBELL: I'm also calling your parents to let them know we had this chat and that we're going to address the situation.
STEPHANIE: Okay.
CAMPBELL: If anything else comes up, please don't hesitate to come talk to me. I'm here for you. And it's important that you feel safe here at school.
STEPHANIE: Cool. I will. And, um... I'm sorry I've been zoning out in class. I'll try to start talking more. I mean, I do have thoughts on Zeus's many love triangles; that guy was a total player.
CAMPBELL: (small laugh, pleasant) Looking forward to it.
STEPHANIE: But seriously, Mr C?... Thanks.
CAMPBELL: Happy to help. Now let's get you that late pass...
CAMPBELL: Thanks for taking a minute to talk, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: (a little hesitant, confused) Sure, but... I'm gonna be late for my next class.
CAMPBELL: It'll be okay, I can write you a pass.
STEPHANIE: Oh. Um... Okay.
CAMPBELL: You've been acting a little strange in class the last few weeks.
STEPHANIE: Um. I have?
CAMPBELL: Quieter than usual. I thought you were enjoying the Ancient Greeks.
STEPHANIE: (unenthusiastic) Yeah. They're pretty cool... I dunno.
STEPHANIE THOUGHT: (angry) "Strange?" What the hell?... And what do you even care, just let me go to my next class already...
FEEDBACK: Negatively labelling Stephanie’s behavior as “strange” made her defensive. Now she’s not looking forward to the rest of your conversation. When talking to a student about behaviors you’ve noticed, try to use more neutral-sounding observations. Avoid anything that sounds like criticism.
CAMPBELL: You really can't be leaving class all the time like you have been.
STEPHANIE: Oh. Um. I'm sorry. Am... am I in trouble?
FEEDBACK: By immediately reprimanding Stephanie, you’re missing an opportunity to find out if there are valid reasons for her behavior. As a teacher, you are in a great position to notice changes in student behavior and help students find solutions that could have a long-term impact.
CAMPBELL: No, you're not in trouble. Not at all. I'm just concerned.
STEPHANIE: (relieved) Oh... Thanks…
STEPHANIE: It's just... I dunno, things have been... not great. But it's fine. I guess.
FEEDBACK: By assuring Stephanie that she’s not in trouble, you alleviated some of her uncertainty and made her more willing to open up.
CAMPBELL: Is it something here at school?
STEPHANIE: (unsure) Um... Well... Yeah? Maybe?
FEEDBACK: Asking closed (yes-or-no) questions tends to result in shorter, less informative answers. Instead, ask an open-ended question to get Stephanie to open up.
CAMPBELL: If there's anything I can do to help, I’d like to.
STEPHANIE: (a little surprised) Really?....
CAMPBELL: It's important to me that... when you're at school you feel comfortable, safe, happy to be here...
STEPHANIE: Thanks... Well...
STEPHANIE: (timidly) There's this boy in Mr. Braungart's class across the hall? Jordan? And whenever he sees me he always, like... says a bunch of stuff and gets other kids to laugh at me...
FEEDBACK: Good job. By letting Stephanie know that you care about her, you made her feel comfortable opening up.
CAMPBELL: What kind of things does he say?
STEPHANIE: Like... Stuff.
STEPHANIE: He follows me in the hall after your class is over and, like... Calls me names, makes jokes... calls me, like... (sheepish) fat and stuff, and like... He's been doing it for weeks.
CAMPBELL: So that's why you've been asking to go to the nurse's office.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. Her office is right near my 5th period class; and, when the bell rings, I can just go to class and don't have to see him.
FEEDBACK: Now that you've learned what's been troubling Stephanie, consider taking the time to acknowledge that she shared something difficult with you and to learn more about the alleged bullying and her support network.
CAMPBELL: You shouldn't let him treat you like that.
STEPHANIE: Um... I'm not "letting" him do it, he's just doing it.
CAMPBELL: I understand, but... It's important to stand up for yourself.
STEPHANIE: (confused, disheartened) So... um... okay?...
STEPHANIE THOUGHT: Uuuuuuugh, I’m the worst at comebacks! I get so embarrassed I never know what to say. So pathetic…
FEEDBACK: Some students aren’t comfortable or able to stand up to aggressors. Bullying is even defined as a situation where two students have unequal power. Instead of criticizing Stephanie’s approach to the situation, help her find a way to safely resolve it.
CAMPBELL: Have you asked Jordan to stop?
STEPHANIE: Um... why would he stop just because I ask him to? He knows it bothers me, that's why he does it.
FEEDBACK: It's your responsibility to do something about Jordan’s behavior, regardless of whether or not Stephanie has asked him to stop.
CAMPBELL: What do the other students do when Jordan is bothering you?
STEPHANIE: Um... Not much, and...... that kinda makes it worse.
CAMPBELL: How so?
STEPHANIE: Like they think it's cool or something?
CAMPBELL: Do they laugh?
STEPHANIE: Mostly everyone just kinda... keeps doing their own thing. (embarrassed, hurt) some people laugh...
FEEDBACK: Good job using open-ended questions to learn more about Stephanie's situation.
CAMPBELL: I'm sorry this has been happening. It's very upsetting, I know. When I was in sixth grade, I was very shy and I had a bit of stutter and there was a group of kids who decided that that was hysterical. And they let me know on a daily basis. It made things really unpleasant.
STEPHANIE: (grateful to hear she's not alone) Really?
CAMPBELL: Really.
STEPHANIE: Ugh. Sucks... Jordan'll, like... Walk behind me and do this stupid elephant walk and it's, like... (sigh) It's not just at school, either... He always says stuff and uses stupid memes whenever I post pictures online or when my friends do.
CAMPBELL: Memes?
STEPHANIE: Yeah, like... dumb pictures and stuff. To make fun of me.
FEEDBACK: Good job. Even if you didn’t have a personal experience to share, you could still let Stephanie know that many kids experience bullying and that you know how upsetting it can be.
CAMPBELL: Jordan's behavior is not okay. Our school has a no-bullying policy.
STEPHANIE: Cool. I mean... I thought Coach Earl had seen it happen in gym, but... maybe not...
CAMPBELL: We'll talk to Coach Earl to get his perspective... But more than anything, I want to assure you - we will address Jordan's behavior.
STEPHANIE: (feeling better) Okay... Sweet.
FEEDBACK: Nice. You assured Stephanie, in no uncertain terms, that Jordan's behavior won't be tolerated by the school. As a result, she feels validated and hopeful that something will be done to stop his behavior.
CAMPBELL: Who else have you been able to talk to about this?
STEPHANIE: Um... You're the first teacher.
CAMPBELL: What about family, friends?
STEPHANIE: I haven't said anything to my parents... I did talk to my friend Kara, but... It's, like... She doesn't get it. She's tougher than I am or something... She tells me I should just dish it back and make fun of his stupid haircut. (beat.) I'm thinking that would make things worse.
CAMPBELL: That's probably good thinking.
STEPHANIE: (sigh) It just sucks.
CAMPBELL: So here's what I'm hearing so far, Stephanie... Jordan is harassing you, saying things that make you uncomfortable, making you feel bad about yourself. He gets other students to laugh along. It happens in the hall after my class and it happens during gym.
CAMPBELL: And this doesn't just happen at school. They also make rude comments on your social media posts.
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
CAMPBELL: When it happens around other students, they don't speak up or say anything. And some of them laugh. And that makes you feel like what's happening is okay with them.
STEPHANIE: Pretty much.
CAMPBELL: This has made you feel uncomfortable here at school, it's impacting your motivation to participate in class… And you've been leaving class early just to avoid seeing this other student.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. So... now what...?
FEEDBACK: Now that Stephanie has shared her situation and you've gathered a little more information, it's time to connect her to support.
CAMPBELL: Let's set up a peer mediation with Jordan.
STEPHANIE: A... (hesitant) what?
CAMPBELL: A mediation, it's... a talk. You and Jordan would sit down with another student and talk about what's been going on and... work together to find a way to resolve this conflict.
STEPHANIE: (unsure) Um... That sounds kinda... awful. Do we have to do that?
FEEDBACK: Peer mediation is very useful in solving conflicts, but it is NEVER appropriate in a bullying situation. Mediation requires that both parties be on equal ground; the essence of bullying is the imbalance of power between the aggressor and the target.
CAMPBELL: So... the next step is to talk to our designated official for bullying.
STEPHANIE: Official? Um, I don’t know what you mean.
CAMPBELL: As part of our anti-bullying program, we have a teacher here who is specially trained to handle possible bullying situations - it’s Ms. Dixon. Her job is to meet with students who are experiencing issues, learn more about what they're going through, who's involved, and then come up with a way to make sure it stops happening.
STEPHANIE: Um... But... If Jordan finds out I said something, isn’t that just gonna make it worse?
CAMPBELL: If it does, then that's part of the bullying and we'll take steps to address it.
STEPHANIE: (uncomfortable) Um... No, I... I really shouldn't have said anything, I don't- Can I get that pass now, I really need to get to class.
JACKIE: Great job reaching out to Stephanie and connecting her with someone who can help! Any alleged bullying must be reported immediately. By acting quickly you can connect targeted students to support for adult intervention and, if needed, counseling services. This sends a clear message that aggressive bullying behavior will have serious consequences.
After their conversation, Mr. Campbell connected Stephanie with the Principal. In your school, this can be whoever is designated to handle incidents of possible bullying. Stephanie described her situation, and the Principal spoke with Jordan about his behavior. A bullying investigation began immediately. The Principal called Stephanie’s parents to let them know about the situation and what needed to be done, while Mr. Campbell made a followed-up call to inform them how Stephanie can get back on track academically. He also checked in with Stephanie in the days to come to see how she was doing and make sure the situation was being resolved.
Best Follow-Up Practices:
Jordan was moved to another gym class, which made Stephanie feel safer. Mr. Campbell saw improvement in her mood by the following week. She no longer excused herself to the nurse’s office and started to participate more in class.
Even if your own students are reluctant to share, it is always important to notice and act on warning signs. By reaching out, Mr. Campbell kept the situation from escalating, prevented long-term impacts on Stephanie’s mental health and academics, and helped Stephanie be better equipped to handle future challenges.