JEFF: Hey, did you hear about Carl?
RALPH: What about him?
JEFF: That he’s, you know, (whispers) gay! He’s dating another dude. I thought he was cool. But… Wow.
FEEDBACK: Now you will take the role of Ralph and respond to your co-worker’s comments.
RALPH: Well, I don’t think it’s any of our business.
JEFF: Eh…
FEEDBACK: Good job addressing Jeff’s comment in the moment! Now neither he nor other people in the room think you agree with his biased language and attitude.
10 minutes later…
Return to the scene. Other people have left the break-room.
JEFF: So, uh, I didn’t mean to say anything… weird before. About Carl. I was just joking around.
FEEDBACK: Now that you and Carl are alone, you can talk a little more about the comments he made.
RALPH: Do you know many people in same-sex relationships?
JEFF: Uuuuh… (joking) Maybe a distant uncle. A few people here and there…
RALPH: So not many.
JEFF: (shrugs) Nah, man...
FEEDBACK: It sounds like Jeff is not that familiar with same-sex relationships. It might help to explain that these are more common than he realizes.
RALPH: Acting surprised about Carl dating a guy … saying he’s not cool anymore... that’s the kind of stuff that can hurt other people’s feelings.
JEFF: (groan) Oh no... God, I hope nobody heard me… My wife is always telling me, “Jeff, you need a mute button…”
RALPH: (laughs) I’ll check to see if we have funds for a mute button in our budget. We could probably all use one now and then.
JEFF THOUGHT: Sometimes I can’t stop putting my foot in my mouth. I’ve gotta be more careful.
FEEDBACK: Good job building Jeff’s empathy for those who might be affected by his comments. Because you’ve shown him respect during this conversation, he’s more willing to listen.
RALPH: We do have gay and bi co-workers here in the office, and lots of us have gay or bi family members or friends. You don’t know who might find your comments biased, stereotypical, or hurtful.
JEFF: I hear you, I hear you...
FEEDBACK: Good job explaining how many people might be affected by his comments.
RALPH: Think about it this way: would you ever sit here in the break-room and say something like, “Hey, Carl’s white and he’s dating a black woman. Can you believe it?” No, because that would sound racist and might hurt other people’s feelings.
JEFF: (laughs) Yeah… Yeah, I get you. You’re right. I’ve got to be more careful.
JEFF THOUGHT: I never thought of it like that.
FEEDBACK: Good job using an example to help Jeff understand why his comments were offensive.
RALPH: Anyway, how was your kid’s birthday party last weekend?
JEFF: Awesome! Man, we got a bouncy house!
JEFF: Hey, did you hear about Carl?
RALPH: What about him?
JEFF: That he’s, you know, (whispers) gay! He’s dating another dude. I thought he was cool. But… Wow.
FEEDBACK: Now you will take the role of Ralph and respond to your co-worker’s comments.
RALPH: (in lowered voice) C’mon… (looks around) Keep your voice down.
JEFF: Oh… (glances around) Right. Sorry.
FEEDBACK: Although you got Jeff to stop talking, you did not communicate that his comment was inappropriate. By only telling him to lower his voice, you did not make others in the room feel supported. Let’s take a step back and see how Ralph should address Jeff’s comment.
RALPH: Well, I don’t think it’s any of our business.
JEFF: Eh…
10 minutes later…
Return to the scene. Other people have left the break-room.
JEFF: So, uh, I didn’t mean to say anything… weird before. About Carl. I was just joking around.
FEEDBACK: Now that you and Carl are alone, you can talk a little more about the comments he made.
RALPH: When you say things like that, you sound like a real homophobe.
JEFF: Whatever, man. I think you’re being waaaaayy too sensitive about this.
JEFF THOUGHT: We got the friggin’ PC police here… I’ve gotta find someone else to have lunch with.
FEEDBACK: You’re right -- what Jeff said WAS offensive. But you have the opportunity now to respectfully educate him, and using words like “homophobe” might make him defensive and keep him from listening to you.
RALPH: You sounded surprised to hear that Carl’s gay.
JEFF: Well… yeah! Weren’t you?
FEEDBACK: Avoid making assumptions about Carl’s sexuality. You do not know if he’s gay. He may identify as bi or as another sexual orientation.
RALPH: Why are you so uncomfortable with Carl dating a guy?
JEFF: I’m not… uncomfortable. I just thought it was funny.
JEFF THOUGHT: Give me a break -- you don’t know me.
FEEDBACK: By presuming you know how Jeff feels (“uncomfortable with Carl dating a guy”), you made him defensive and less likely to listen to what you have to say.
RALPH: I don’t think there’s anything funny about it.
JEFF: Yeah, dude. You’re not known for your sense of humor.
JEFF THOUGHT: Getting on my nerves… so stuck up...
FEEDBACK: There is nothing wrong with standing up for your values. Just know that it IS possible to have these conversations while remaining calm, respectfully educating, and keeping your relationship with the other person intact.
RALPH: Acting surprised about Carl dating a guy … saying he’s not cool anymore... that’s the kind of stuff that can hurt other people’s feelings.
JEFF: I don’t think anyone took it that way. I think they knew I was kidding.
JEFF THOUGHT: Wow. You’re way too sensitive.
FEEDBACK: Good job building Jeff’s empathy for those who might be affected by his comments -- though he still seems a little defensive.
RALPH: Alja here in the office… She’s lesbian. How would she feel if she heard you talk like that?
JEFF: Oh really… (whispering like it’s a good piece of gossip) I didn’t know that!
FEEDBACK: It is never okay to “out” a coworker or client. Unless you know the person is okay with you disclosing their sexual orientation (or gender identity) with that particular person, keep the information confidential. Undo that decision and select another option.
RALPH: Think about it this way: would you ever sit here in the break-room and say something like, “Hey, Carl’s white and he’s dating a black woman. Can you believe it?” No, because that would sound racist and might hurt other people’s feelings.
JEFF: (laughs) I get ya… I don’t know if it’s exactly the same thing, but… I get what you’re saying.
JEFF THOUGHT: I never thought of it like that.
FEEDBACK: Good job using an example to help Jeff understand why his comments were offensive.
RALPH: Anyway, how was your kid’s birthday party last weekend?
JEFF: Eh, I’ll tell you about it later. I’ve gotta get back to my desk.
MONICA: Great job! Thank you for listening to our experiences and being open-minded.
RALPH: There are many ways you can support LGBTQ communities in your workplace and county.
Showing Support in the Office:
MONICA: That’s right. It’s crucial to stop disrespectful behavior whenever you see it. When coworkers fail to address biased statements immediately, our residents and colleagues may feel unsupported, unsafe, and unwelcome in our offices.
MONICA: That’s right. It’s crucial to stop disrespectful behavior whenever you see it. When coworkers fail to address biased statements immediately, our residents and colleagues may feel unsupported, unsafe, and unwelcome in our offices.
RALPH: It’s also necessary to know your office’s policies for reporting discrimination and abuse. These guidelines can help you identify and report incidents and better understand how your administration will handle them.
MONICA: Another way to support LGBTQ communities is to set an inclusive office environment. Rainbow flags, “safe zone” stickers, and other supportive ally signs show open-mindedness to all people. Placing LGBTQ literature in the waiting area also shows your support. When you put up these signs, you are indicating that you have a level of commitment as an ally and that you are continually seeking opportunities to learn about and be supportive of LGBTQ people in your office.
SOFIA: Finally, it is important to use forms that don’t just designate check boxes for male or female, but also include options for other identities.
RALPH: While you are in the menu, please leave feedback for us in our “Survey” and let us know what you thought of our program!
SOFIA: And don’t forget to print your certificate of completion! Not only does this prove that you’ve successfully completed your training, but it can also be posted on your desk as a symbol of support for LGBTQ communities.
MONICA: Thanks again for listening. Take care!