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We all find ourselves in situations like this sometimes. But it can happen even more often when a family reunites after a deployment. A family member might want the veteran to resume household chores or help out more with the kids. Or, if the veteran has significant signs of post-deployment stress, the family might want him or her to reconnect with friends, change their drinking habits, or get help at the V.A.

Let's talk about what often works and doesn't work in these types of conversations.

A large part of how successful you are depends on when you bring it up. If you bring up a sensitive topic when either of you is already upset, it could easily turn into an argument. However, if you're both in fairly good moods, you'll naturally have a calmer, more respectful discussion. Furthermore, just because you're in the mood to talk doesn't mean the other person is. So, instead of forcing the conversation on the other person, ask if this is a good time to talk. If they say no, ask when is a good time.

So once you agree to talk.... then what? Well, all the techniques you used earlier also apply here. Try to have curiosity about the other person's point of view, avoid criticism, and keep a neutral tone. If things get too heated, take a break to cool down.

Now here's another important technique... Unless they ask, try not to tell the person what you think they should do. Unsolicited advice about sensitive topics can make a person defensive and cause them to move even more toward the other side.