DAN: Hello?
RUBY: Hey, hey!
DAN: Hey! Thanks for like, talking to me about stuff.
RUBY: Dude, literally any time.
DAN: So, I'm super excited about this theater party, but I'm also, like, pretty nervous.
RUBY: Well, what's making you nervous?
COACH: Your open ended question helped Dan feel more comfortable sharing his feelings.
DAN: I guess I just don't know what it'll be like.
RUBY: You're going into a new situation, so it totally makes sense that you'd be kinda nervous. But I'm down to keep talking, and hopefully I can help a bit.
DAN: Thanks, Rhubarb. Yeah, I think just talking stuff out will make me feel better. Like, what if I get there and everyone is playing some card game Or what if they play songs I don't know, and everyone is singing along but I don't know any of the words?
RUBY: Those things could happen, but nobody will think less of you for not knowing song lyrics. Unless they're Ms. Swann, in which case, they absolutely will.
DAN: (laughs) Yeah, choir teachers tend to be like that.
COACH: You showed your understanding when you let Dan know that you can relate to how he feels. You gave him space to open up.
DAN: But seriously, I think the biggest thing is just that I don't know if there's gonna be alcohol there, and dealing with that whole thing. Like, I know not all parties have alcohol, most don't, but what if this one does? I haven't hung out with them outside school before, and I like, don't know what they're into.
DAN: Like, I've never tried it before, and I don't really know if, y'know, I want to or not? I guess I'm just not sure how I feel about it. Like, it's a little scary, but also, maybe it could be fun?
RUBY: What're you thinking? We can talk through reasons you wanna go and reasons you're worried, if that's okay.
DAN: Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's do it.
COACH: You asked if Dan wanted to talk through his thoughts, which made him feel comfortable.
DAN: So, one thing is that the seniors are gonna be there. Besides them being obviously cooler than us.
RUBY: Obviously.
DAN: They also choose who to cast in the spring showcase, so, if they don't like me, or think I'm weird or something.
RUBY: You don't think you'll get cast?
DAN: Right.
RUBY: And where does drinking come in?
DAN: Well, if I don't drink, maybe they'll think I'm a loser or something. Or, if I do drink, I might do something embarrassing, and then they'll think I'm weird.
COACH: You asked an open ended question, which let Dan express his thoughts.
RUBY: I can see how this is stressful to think about.
DAN: Right?
COACH: You showed understanding by validating his feelings.
DAN: Like we haven't talked to my uncle in years, but I remember when I was little, my parents always hated when we would go out as a family cause he would get drunk and embarrass himself. Like, one time he ordered a shot at a restaurant and spilled it, and he literally licked it off the table. The manager had to ask him to leave.
RUBY: That sounds like it was really intense.
DAN: Yeah. I don't even like thinking about it, but I can't help but remember sometimes.
COACH: You reflected Dan's feelings, and showed him that you're listening.
RUBY: I know that must be hard to talk about. Thanks for sharing it with me.
DAN: Yeah, no problem.
COACH: You showed empathy and that made Dan feel more comfortable opening up.
DAN: He was like, my idol when I was little. You know the musical No Treats for Bad Dogs?
RUBY: Oh, yeah! I saw the movie version.
DAN: He was in the national tour, and he would tell me all these crazy backstage stories, and like, he's what made me wanna do musical theater. And he was so supportive!
RUBY: Mmhmm.
DAN: But a few years ago things got really, really bad. Like, he had to stop acting. Luckily my mom knew what to do and like, went with him to get help, but she was so stressed and worried about him. It was scary to see her like that.
RUBY: That sounds really tough.
DAN: Yeah, I just, I guess the idea of putting someone I love through all that stress scares me.
RUBY: Right. That's totally valid. Thanks for telling me.
DAN: Yeah.
RUBY: So, you're nervous that if you drink, you might end up acting like your uncle.
DAN: Yeah. But then also, like, what if drinking makes me cooler, or more fun to talk to or something?
RUBY: What makes you think you're not already cool and fun to talk to?
DAN: I mean, I think I'm kinda cool, and probably okay to talk to. But like, maybe it's not enough? Or like, why wouldn't I want to be cooler, you know?
COACH: You asked an open ended question that allowed Dan to open up and share more.
RUBY: I understand. I think you're super cool and fun to talk to, but I get that me saying that might not help that much.
DAN: No, thank you. Hearing it still helps a little, even if like, you giving me a compliment isn't gonna completely get rid of my anxiety.
RUBY: Well, if it helps, I'll hype you up any time! I think my cousin has some pom poms I can borrow.
DAN: Please do not involve pom poms.
RUBY: Why? Would you ‘face pom?’
DAN: I'm leaving. (laughs)
RUBY: (laughs)
COACH: You showed Dan that you understand. This made him feel heard.
RUBY: Besides, drinking doesn't just instantly make you super cool, you know? It could even make you act significantly less cool.
DAN: I guess, but also like, what if everyone there is drinking and they think I'm a loser or a buzzkill or something for not doing it?
RUBY: I fall back on my goals if I need an excuse. What could you say if someone offers you a drink?
DAN: That's a good idea. Hmm, I guess I could say I have tap practice the next morning and I can't be groggy?
RUBY: Yeah! I don't think anyone will fight you that hungover tap dancing is not a good look.
DAN: True, but what if it doesn't work?
RUBY: You definitely won't be the only person who isn't drinking. I bet a lot of people won't be drinking.
DAN: You think?
RUBY: Yeah! My cousin always told me that like, she always thought high school parties would be ragers like they are on TV, but when she actually got to high school, parties weren't like that at all.
DAN: Really?
RUBY: Yeah!
COACH: You stayed positive, and helped reassure Dan about his concerns.
DAN: So like, I know this girl I have a crush on is gonna be there
RUBY: WHO?! Well, TELL ME!
DAN: Okay, okay! Do you know Janie? Junior, long black ponytail, in band?
RUBY: With the really colorful socks?
DAN: Yep, that's her.
RUBY: Awwww! You guys would be so cute!
DAN: I know! And I was so nervous that like, maybe she'd be drinking and think I'm uncool if I didn't drink? But honestly, I wouldn't want to date someone who thought that way anyway.
RUBY: Totally.
RUBY: How ya feeling about the party now?
COACH: You asked an open ended question, which was a good way to check in with Dan.
DAN: Oh, dude, I feel so much better! I dunno, talking it out has made me realize that I don't really want to drink. Especially not at some party with a bunch of people I barely know.
RUBY: Yeah, that totally makes sense.
DAN: You're a really good listener, Ruby. Is it cool if we, like, keep talking about this stuff? In the future, I mean.
RUBY: Yeah, of course! I'm here for you, dude.