Now let’s look at some examples of effective and ineffective affirmations.

Pic 21: The screen transitions to one titled “Identify Affirmations.” It contains an examples statement and three example responses, along with text that reminds readers “An affirmation should show respect for a client’s strengths, values, or accomplishments. This example statement reads “I give Mary vegetables at every meal, but it’s a battle to get her to eat them.” 

• You give her vegetables at every meal.
  • This is a simple reflection of what the parent said, not an affirmation. An affirmation should spotlight a person’s strengths, efforts, or good intentions.
• It’s important to you to help Mar eat better, and you’re taking action to make it happen.
  • Yes! That affirmation is an empowering reminder of the parent’s values and efforts, and it shows your respect for the hard work they’ve put in.
• It’s tough, but you just need to be consistent.
  • This is advice, not an affirmation.

Pic 22: The screen transitions to the next set of examples, with the statement being “When I have the kids, we go to the park after school. But, when their mom has them, they watch a lot of TV.”

• You’re doing so much to help your kids be healthy and active.
  • Right! The speaker affirmed the success this father has had in getting his kids to be more fit and active. Helping parents see their successes can remind them that change is possible and worthwhile.
• I’m really proud of what you’ve done for your kids.
  • While the speaker did recognize this dad’s efforts, saying they’re proud made it about them, not him. An affirmation should spotlight hissuccesses without implying you are the judge of what is good and bad.
• Maybe you could talk to their mom about including a walk after school.
  • This is a suggestion, not an affirmation.

Pic 23: The screen changes to the next set of examples, with this example statement being “I didn’t meet my goal this week. I was so tired after work, I let Lisa play video games for an hour every night.”

• You said you would be setting limits on Lisa’s screen time.
  • Criticizing a parent for failing in a goal is likely to make them defensive. An affirmation should spotlight a person’s strengths, efforts, or good intentions.
• Don’t worry about it. Everyone makes mistakes.
  • Here the speaker tried to reassure the parent, not affirm their strengths.
• The last time you were here, she was playing two hours a night. So, even though you’re tired, you’re still making progress.
  • Yes! This celebrates this parent’s success and turns their admission of failure into an affirmation of strength. Even failed attempts at change can be affirmed because change is an ongoing process and not a single event.

Pic 24: The screen changes to the next example set, with the statement being “I was 200 pounds in eighth grade. It took me a long time to get to a healthy weight. I don’t want Josh to go through that.”

• You’ve taken amazing care of yourself. Josh is lucky to have you as an example.
  • Great! This affirms this parent’s accomplishment and frames it as an example for the child to follow.
• You’re a great dad. Josh will be fine.
  • An affirmation that is too vague can come across as dismissive or unhelpful.
• I don’t want Josh to go through that either.
  • The speaker should be careful. In MI, we try to focus on the parent’s desires, not ours.

Pic 25: The screen changes to one titled “Reframing” with an image of two arrows going in a circle underneath. A word bubble appears with the tail coming from the left. After a moment, it disappears, and then another word bubble appears with the tail coming from the right.

Lastly, there’s reframing, or listening closely to the client and suggesting a different perspective. Reframing is like a reflection, restating what the client said but from a slightly different angle. Take a look at these examples. 

Pic 26: The screen transitions to one titled “Examples of Reframing.” It contains two different conversations between a client and a health coach, told through word bubbles.

Client: I want to eat healthier, but I don’t know if I can completely stop eating fast food.

Health Coach: You want to eat healthier and you’re thinking of this as a gradual process. 

Client: Exactly. I could do small changes, but I don’t think I could just stop altogether. 

Client: My parents nag me to cook more, but I keep putting it off. We’re too busy right now. 

Health Coach: Sounds like they really care about your family’s health. 

Client: Sometimes too much! But I know they’re probably right. 

Notice how reframing can turn a conversation around, as long as you don’t overuse it. 

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