MS. NAMOND: Hey, thanks for taking a little time to chat with me today.
LUCAS: Am I in trouble or something?
MS. NAMOND: No, I just thought I’d like to talk with you. We don’t get to talk much during class, and I have a few things I’d like to ask you about, to get your opinion.
LUCAS: Oh. Okay… I didn’t want to go to recess anyway.
MS. NAMOND: We missed you last week when you were out.
LUCAS: (no response)
MS. NAMOND: The note from your mom said you were sick. What happened?
LUCAS: Sometimes I feel tired and my stomach doesn't feel good. It's better if I stay home, you know? I don't have to ride the bus...it's just easier.
MS. NAMOND: What do you mean when you say it's "better" if you stay home?
LUCAS: Like, the mornings are really crazy, and we're all really sleepy and everyone's grumpy. If I don't have to ride the bus, I could sleep a little longer. It's quiet at my grandma's during the day, and that helps my stomach stop hurting.
LUCAS THOUGHT: You must like me a lot. I didn't know you cared about all this stuff.
MS. NAMOND: Maybe the mornings would be a little easier if you went to bed earlier.
LUCAS: (shrugs)
LUCAS THOUGHT: That's not gonna work. Duh...
MS. NAMOND: You've missed a few days this year already, so this happens pretty often.
LUCAS: Yeah. Sometimes my stomach hurts or I just feel tired. Usually I come to school anyway. But sometimes my mom lets me stay home. I feel a little better later, but by then it's too late to go to school.
MS. NAMOND: What did your doctor say?
LUCAS: He said it wasn't anything bad. My grandma says it isn't that kind of sickness.
MS. NAMOND: Oh? What does she think it is?
LUCAS: She says I have "the nerves" like my grandpa did. That I worry too much about things.
MS. NAMOND: What do you think?
LUCAS: I don't know. I don't know how much other people worry.
LUCAS THOUGHT: If I was a superhero like this guy in the drawing... I wouldn't worry at all.
MS. NAMOND: I doubt you worry more than other people.
LUCAS: But how do you really know?
MS. NAMOND: You’re right, I don’t really know.
JACKIE'S FEEDBACK: Providing her opinion only interrupted the flow of the conversation, and at this point, Ms. Namond doesn’t know enough to gauge how much Lucas “should” be worrying. Instead, try asking a question or reflecting to better understand Lucas’ perspective. What Ms. Namond could say instead is: What kinds of things do you worry about? Where Lucas can say: I don’t know. Like, sometimes I worry we’ll never get our house fixed. That we’ll be living at grandma’s house forever.
MS. NAMOND: When is your house supposed to be fixed?
LUCAS: They said it’d be ready last month. Now they say it won’t be until next month. But I won’t believe it until I see it. They say the smoke from the fire got over everything.
MS. NAMOND: Tell me abou the fire. What exactly happened?
LUCAS: My stomach hurts. Can I lie down?
MS. NAMOND: Would you prefer if we didn’t talk about the fire?
LUCAS: (no response)
MS. NAMOND: Lucas, I understand you don’t want to talk about the fire right now. Do you mind if we talk a little about other things, like how you’re doing right now?
LUCAS: I guess so.
JACKIE'S FEEDBACK: When broaching potentially sensitive topics, it’s good to ask permission first (“Would it be okay if we talked about the fire?”). This makes the other person feel more comfortable and more in control.
LUCAS THOUGHT: Draw… Just draw. Maybe he needs a horse. Then he can run away.
JACKIE'S FEEDBACK: You and Lucas haven’t talked very much yet, and he still doesn’t feel entirely comfortable opening up to you. You can try to move the conversation forward and connect him to support, but he might be more receptive if you spend more time beforehand continuing to discuss his classroom experience.
MS. NAMOND: How is it, living with your grandmother?
LUCAS: Ugh, awful. Everyone is stressed. No one has enough room! It just makes me tired.
MS. NAMOND: What’s it like when you talk to your family about how tough this is for you?
LUCAS: I dunno. They’re busy. And really upset. Maybe more upset than I am.
MS. NAMOND: Yeah, I’m sure this is stressful for everybody.
LUCAS: (big sigh) Yeah.
MS. NAMOND: You know Ms. Jones, the guidance counselor?
LUCAS: Yeah.
MS. NAMOND: She’s a really good person to talk to sometimes. She’s a great listener.
LUCAS: (no response).
MS. NAMOND: What would you think if we set up a special time for you and Ms. Jones to hang out?
LUCAS: Sure.
MS. NAMOND: Okay, I’ll let you know if I can set something like that up.
MS. NAMOND: Well, thanks for talking with me. I really enjoyed it, Lucas.
LUCAS: You’re welcome.
MS. NAMOND: Recess is almost over. You want to keep drawing until then?
LUCAS: Yep. I’m almost finished.
MS. NAMOND: Good.
JACKIE: Let’s hear what Lucas thought of this conversation.
LUCAS: Ms. Namond’s nice. I think she likes to talk. Like, she’s kind of nosey. When we talked that first time, she had a ton of questions. That was kind of … weird. I’m pretty shy, so when people keep asking me questions and questions and questions, I get kind of freaked out. I guess she just really wanted to know.
But sometimes she tried to tell me what to do… without really understanding, you know? That was kind of annoying. Like she told me to go to bed earlier. But I can’t do that!
We’ve met a couple of other times. We talk about different things…like how things are going with my house, how I feel about the kids at school… I told her more about the fire. I’m also talking with Ms. Jones about the same kinds of things. It’s getting easier to think about that stuff now.
And my mom and dad have been up to the school. I guess they like talking with Ms. Namond and Ms. Jones, too. My mom said she didn’t realize how sleepy I’d been at school, and now she and my dad talk somewhere else if they have to.
So things are better. I think I’m really lucky that I’m in Ms. Namond’s class this year.