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Even with these goals in mind though, it’s important to remember you want to have a conversation and not give a lecture. When speaking with Sean, I try to remember to maintain a calm tone while keeping him involved in the conversation. This is more effective than just laying down rules, threatening, or interrogating. Focusing too much on finding out if your child drank or if your child’s friends have drank is likely to be met with a lot of resistance and distract the two of you from the goals of this conversation.

To start a low-pressure conversation about alcohol, you may want to bring up an anecdote about underage drinking— something you heard or read about can be a great opportunity. This makes the conversation feel less formal and more comfortable for your child since you’re not initially talking about them.

I know it can be difficult to get your child’s undivided attention for very long. If so, that’s not a problem because it’s fine to have many short conversations about alcohol rather than one big talk that attempts to cover everything. In fact, it’s good to make sure that the lines of communication are kept open. As our children get older and have more questions about alcohol, we want them to feel more comfortable coming to talk to us. If you really want a conversation that’s free from distractions, you can create that opportunity by asking your child to go for a walk with you or help you with a chore.

To keep your child involved in the conversation, try asking what he/she knows about alcohol and its effects. You can also ask for reasons why it’s a bad idea for him/her to drink. In this way, your child will see that you’re listening and not lecturing. You’ll also be able to ensure your child is considering the dangers of alcohol rather than just tuning you out while you list information.