Ms. Abbie: (beat) Jake?
Jake: (stewing mad) What! Ugh!
Ms. Abbie: (beat) Wanted to chat.
Jake: (sarcastic) Of course you did.
Ms. Abbie: Maybe we can do a little reset, take a breath. What do you think about doing that together?
Coach: A small breathing activity together helps both of you for different reasons: you can refocus and recenter so you can stay calm, they can try and regulate and return to a point of being able to talk.
Jake: (shrugs)
Ms. Abbie: What about square breathing together? Like we do at the beginning of class sometimes?
Jake: Why would I do that.
Ms. Abbie: It’s your choice whether you’d like to join me. Other students have found breathing helpful when, when they’re having intense feelings. So, it might help you too.
Jake: (apathetic) Fine, whatever.
Ms. Abbie: Alright. In, hold, out, hold. One more time?
Jake: (nods)
Ms. Abbie: In, hold, out, hold, okay. Thank you for doing that with me.
Jake’s thought: I guess I’m feeling a little better.
Ms. Abbie: I want to hear more about your experience today.
Coach: Ms. Abbie showed that she was open to hearing about their experience, which showed understanding.
Ms. Abbie: What was it like for you at lunch?
Jake: I was just trying to (pauses) they were all like, c’mon it’s no big deal, and I was like, this is stupid.
Ms. Abbie: (nods)
Jake: I’m not into stupid stuff. That’s, yeah, that’s not me. I just saw some people standing around a table with one of those little hand sanitizer bottles like, squeezing it into their hands and licking it.
Ms. Abbie: I see.
Jake: Yeah, so they were like, your turn. And I was like no way, then they started chanting for me to do it, but, but I didn’t want to, so I yelled, and then they got up in my face and I kind of (pauses) I kind of lost it. I pushed them off me.
Ms. Abbie: (nods)
Jake: That’s how this crap starts, you know. You think it’s funny to do stupid stuff, and then next thing you know, you’re at a party, or, or a concert, and then someone is (sigh) And, then it’s dangerous. I just, don’t get it.
Ms. Abbie: You thought licking the hand sanitizer was a bad idea.
Jake: Uh, yeah. Terrible idea.
Coach: Ms. Abbie used a complex reflection to show understanding.
Jake: I mean isn’t it like, dangerous or something?
Ms. Abbie: You’re certainly not supposed to drink it, or whatever.
Jake: Yeah, exactly. Idiots.
Ms. Abbie: In class, I’ve seen you keep yourself focused, you know, in situations where other people are getting a little wild.
Coach: This was a great example of affirming the student’s positive choice with a neutral observation.
Jake: Yeah. When we talked before, it kind of, it helped me have a thing to do in class when I was, yeah. At least for a bit.
Ms. Abbie: (taking a moment to reset) Well, since we’re talking about it, in terms of (pauses) how school is feeling for you in general, I also wanted to ask about those strategies we brainstormed before. You know, about what you can do in class when you feel those intense emotions. Kind of like what happened today. Before, we mentioned thinking about going to see Ms. Ines, the school counselor, and we said we’d try to check in again, to see what’s working and what we could do better. So, since we’re here together, how’s all that feeling?
Jake: (dejected) Fine.
Ms. Abbie: (nods)
Jake: Like, what do you want me to say? It’s all better now? (beat) Because it’s not.
Ms. Abbie: If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d like to hear a little more about how you’ve been feeling recently.
Coach: Ms. Abbie used an open-ended question to try to understand more about what the student is experiencing.
Jake: Well if last time it was like, like grey sludge? This time it’s like, quicksand.
Ms. Abbie: (beat) What do you mean by that?
Jake: (shrugs) You know, quicksand. You can feel yourself like, sinking. And the more you try to move, the more it swallows you up. Until it pulls you under.
Ms. Abbie: You’re still feeling sad, and, and you miss your cousin.
Coach: Ms. Abbie effectively used a complex reflection to understand the student’s feelings.
Jake: (beat, nods) When he (beat) He always used to joke around, even when things were not great. And now, when I need (beat) When I really need him? Where is he? I, I dream about him. My cousin. And, I feel like I should be scared. But, I’m not. It’s like, he’s right there, and we’re talking, and then, and then I wake up. And I’m back here. And, if I’m being honest, a lot of the time? I just want to be with him again. Wherever he is.
Ms. Abbie: Sometimes when people are having feelings like this, they might be thinking about (pauses) dying. Or suicide. Have you been having thoughts like that?
Coach: It’s always okay to ask about suicide. You won’t put the idea in their head by asking.
Jake: I mean, who doesn’t. (beat) Like, I think about the rest of my life? Without him there? And, I don’t know. Kind of doesn’t matter. Any of it.
Ms. Abbie: (nods)
Jake: And I’m going to die anyway. You will too. We all do. (beat) So, yeah.
Ms. Abbie: When I’m feeling intense emotions? One of the people I like talking with the most is Ms. Ines, the school counselor. She always knows just what to say.
Jake: (nods)
Ms. Abbie: Would you like to go visit her with me?
Coach: Ms. Abbie was able to connect with the student and show support by going with them to see the counselor.
Jake: I mean I’m glad you like her, but (shrugs) Not sure I need to.
Ms. Abbie: Well, I care about you. I want to keep talking with you, and also think, at this point, the counselor could help us both.
Jake: Well, if you’re going to be there, (pauses) okay. (sigh) Might as well do this thing.
Ms. Abbie: We’ll just have a conversation together. It’ll be okay.
Jake: Yeah, I know. You’ll be there, so (pauses) yeah. Let’s do it.
Overall Result:
Ms. Abbie did a good job helping Jake connect with the school counselor. She asked him what he thought and he felt comfortable going with her. He knows she’s there for him and there are resources to help him.