Pic 1: The title card “Talking with Your Students” appears briefly. Then the screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard in an empty classroom. A small image of a student’s face with the name “Tamara” underneath appears on the whiteboard.
Ms. Abbie: I’ve found that developing strong relationships with my students has helped me prevent situations from... Escalating. Let me tell you about a student I had a few years ago, Tamara.
I spent a lot of time early in the year building a positive classroom environment, where we did 5-minute check-ins and icebreakers at the beginning of each class.
Pic 2: The word “Identify” appears next to Tamara’s face.
When you know your students, you are better equipped to Identify changes in their behavior. This allowed me to notice a shift in Tamara.
Pic 3: “Approach” appears underneath “Identify.”
Since we already had a relationship, it was easy to Approach her and talk about what I noticed. I found that showing you’re listening helps students feel comfortable opening up.
Pic 4: Lightning bolts and stars appear around Tamara’s head.
Tamara shared that she was feeling overwhelmed with school. We talked about some strategies, but it seemed like there was more to the story.
I felt like I wasn’t (pauses) equipped to help her the way she needed. So, I suggested she check in with the school counselor.
Pic 5: “Refer” appears underneath “Approach.”
She was open to the idea and started going to weekly sessions to help her manage her stress. The conversation we had built trust and made it much easier when I made a Referral to someone with expertise in this kind of thing.
Pic 6: The text fades away and is replaced by the title “Refer” with the text “to a school counselor or administrator” underneath.
If you’re ever feeling unsure, like I was with Tamara, you can always refer a student to a school counselor or administrator. It’s better to err on the side of caution, and let’s face it, any student can benefit from talking to someone.
Pic 7: The text and Tamara’s image fades away and is replaced with the text “Refer Warning Signs” with an orange hazard symbol.
There are times when you need to refer a student immediately, like if a student shares something serious or concerning.
Here are some examples of things a student might talk about that warrant an immediate referral:
Pic 8: The screen fades away and is replaced with a slide with the title “Refer Warning Signs” and the subtitle “Being a burden on others.” In a speech bubble is the example sentence “I’m so needy.”
Pic 9: The text fades and is replaced with the subtitle “Seeking revenge” and the example sentence “She needs to pay.”
Pic 10: The text fades and is replaced with the subtitle “Feeling anxiety or pain” and the example sentence “I have a stomachache or headache.” Underneath is the additional note “If this is something that happens often or seems unusual for the student.”
Pic 11: The text is replaced with the subtitle “Having no reason to live” and the example sentence “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Pic 12: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard with the words “Open-ended Questions” and “Reflections.”
If it isn’t clear whether a student is talking about these things, use open-ended questions and reflections to get clarity.
There isn’t one “perfect moment” or “perfect way” to ask. The most important thing is to talk about it, like I did with Tamara.
Pic 13: A slide titled “Supportive Responses” appears. The following examples appear in speech bubbles:
Pic 14: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie standing in front of a whiteboard.
If you are ever concerned, it’s always okay to ask a student directly if they are considering suicide. Asking about suicide will not put the idea into a student’s head.
Here are some ways you can ask directly:
Pic 15: A slide titled “Ask Directly” provides the following example sentences in speech bubbles:
Pic 16: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie in front of a whiteboard.
If you think a student is in a lot of distress or at risk of harming themselves or others, stay with the student and get them the in-person support they need immediately.
This will look different in different schools, so check with your administration about who to go to and how to report it.
Pic 17: The text “Refer, show your support” appears along with a symbol of shaking hands.
Referring a student is so much more than handing them off to someone else. Students want to feel supported and know that you’re there with them every step of the way, showing that support is what makes it a warm hand-off.
This can increase their motivation to go.
Pic 18: A slide titled “Elements of Warm Handoff” offers the following example sentences in word bubbles:
Pic 19: The screen returns to Ms. Abbie in front of the whiteboard.
You can give them the choice to walk with you to the counselor’s office or invite the counselor to join you.
This choice gives them some control over what happens, helping them feel empowered, and helping you maintain the trust and rapport you’ve built together.
Pic 20: The words “Observable Behaviors,” “Open-ended Questions,” and “Reflections” appear on the whiteboard.
In the first conversation you used three techniques to help Kira open up: observable behaviors, open-ended questions, and reflections.
But what happens when a student is already feeling upset or angry?
Anyone who is feeling upset can lash out at others... and sometimes it crosses a line where you feel upset by what they’re saying or doing.
When this happens, I’ve found it helpful to use reflections to help empower the student to use strategies they’re familiar with.
Let’s look at an example scenario:
Pic 21: The next slide has an example scenario on it, and is titled “Trystan (Part 1).”
“I’m not done yet.” The bustling room halts. Wide eyes look around the room. Trystan is standing at her desk, with a pencil in her hands, broken in two pieces. You motion for Trystan to meet you in a quiet corner while the rest of the class finishes tidying up. With her arms crossed, she stomps over.
“Would you like to talk about what happened?” you ask.
“She always puts the pencils away when it’s supposed to be my turn!!” Trystan cries.
This is the third time this week Trystan has had an outburst while transitioning activities.
Pic 22: The screen changes to an image of Ms. Abbie in front of a whiteboard with the words “Take deep breaths” and an icon of a face blowing a breath out.
In examples like these, taking a deep breath is a great place to start. That breath gives you a moment to try to gain perspective. It also gives you a moment to formulate a plan.
Pic 23: The whiteboard changes to an image of two speech bubbles with the title “Reflections.” Underneath is the text “Focus on what the student is saying.”
This is where Reflections can help. Let’s explore using reflections to help the student regulate again. Remember, reflections focus on what a student is saying and encourage them to talk about it.
Pic 24: The next slide is titled “Trystan (Part 2)” and has an image of a teacher kneeling down next to a child with steam rising from their head.
Trystan: This week is my week to be the table helper, and Crystal just put the pencils away when she knew it was my turn.
Teacher: You feel upset because Crystal did the task for you.
Trystan: Yeah, and I mean, she does it all the time.
Teacher: Right. I can see how that would be frustrating. I wonder if there’s a better way to solve this problem.
Trystan: I guess (pauses) I could talk to her about it? And tell her how it makes me feel?
Teacher: Sounds like you have a plan already. What are some other strategies that could help in these situations?
Trystan: Well, I could take a mindful moment. You know. To feel a little (pauses) less mad.
Teacher: And we’ll chat with Crystal, too to make sure we’re all on the same page about our tidy up routine.
Trystan: Thanks. And (pauses) sorry about the pencil.
Teacher: (smiles) I appreciate that.
Pic 25: The slide disappears and Ms. Abbie reappears in front of the whiteboard.
Reflections help our students feel heard, which can help them open up. Sometimes a quick check-in is enough to de-escalate the situation.
I don’t need to tell you that these conversations don’t always go so smoothly. Especially if there’s more behind the sudden outburst.
And, look, even the best conversations can have unexpected outcomes. That doesn’t mean the conversation didn’t work, it might just mean the student needs more support.
Pic 26: The words “Identify,” “Approach,” and “Refer” appear on the whiteboard. “Identify” is in bold with a checkmark next to it.
Being able to Identify that a student needs more support is the first step in helping them get there. Let’s do that together, now.
Pic 27: The text fades and is replaced by the words “Observable Behaviors,” “Open-ended Questions,” “Reflections.”
Don’t forget to use the techniques you practiced earlier.
Pic 28: The screen changes to an image of Kira with spikes and lightning bolts over her head. The slide includes descriptors of Kira’s behavior, including “Withdrawn,” “Irritable,” and “Had an argument with a friend.”
Here’s what happened since we last spoke with Kira.
It’s been a few weeks and you’re noticing that things are not improving. Kira is starting to become more withdrawn, and irritable toward you and her classmates.
Kira had an argument at recess with her friend that turned into a pushing fight. The on-duty supervisor let you know that they talked to Kira and she apologized.
This is out of character, so you decided to sit down with Kira to see what’s been going on.
Pic 29: Ms. Abbie stands in front of a whiteboard with the words, “Identify,” “Approach,” and “Refer.” ‘Approach’ and ‘Refer’ are now in bold with checkmarks while ‘Identify’ is greyed out.
You’re going to get a chance to see what Approach and Refer look like.
Let’s get started. But before we jump into the conversation, take a moment now to gauge how you’re feeling about these conversations.