Gwen Conversation Paths
Strong Conversation Example:
Prof. Hampton: Hi, Gwen. Thanks for coming by to see me.
Gwen: No problem, Dr. Hampton. What did you want to talk about? Was there a problem with number five? I don't mind redoing it.
Prof. Hampton: Number five?
Gwen: Number five, on the last homework assignment. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be talking about domestic or international markets. That never was made clear to me.
Prof. Hampton: No, no, Gwen. I actually want to talk to you about something else.
Gwen: Oh. Okay. What is it?
Prof. Hampton: I noticed you seemed very nervous about the midterm.
Gwen: Well, I guess I was nervous. Wasn't everybody? It was a very hard exam.
Prof. Hampton: A lot of people get nervous before exams. Sometimes being a little nervous can actually help. But when a student has excessive nervousness, that can mean an unhealthy amount of stress. I was concerned because I noticed you were shaking and perspiring, breathing quickly, things like that.
Gwen: Do you think that's bad?
Prof. Hampton: I don't know; I'm not an expert about these things. How do you feel about it?
Gwen: I don't know. It's always been like that. Actually, I have very bad health in general, and whenever I take tests, it seems to get worse.
Coach Text: This is a great line of questioning because you're gathering more information, to see if she needs a referral; and, at the same time, you're showing empathy for her situation.
Prof. Hampton: It must feel terrible being under so much stress.
Gwen: I don't know... I'm used to it I guess. I've always been worried about things.
Coach Text: It's great that Gwen is opening up to you. As she becomes more comfortable, don't let her pull you into the role of a counselor or confidant. Make sure to focus on academic behaviors, rather than on her history with anxiety or with medical or psychological treatment.
Prof. Hampton: Is this stress something you feel you can cope with on your own?
Gwen: I don't know. What choice do I have? I want to be a lawyer one day, and I'm going to have to work hard.
Prof. Hampton: You can still work hard, but maybe there's something you can do so things don't become so overwhelming.
Gwen: I guess that would be good.
Prof. Hampton: Have you heard of the Counseling Center on campus?
Gwen: The Counseling Center? So you think I need therapy? (wide eyed)
Coach Text: It was good to mention mental health services at this point. A lot of students are unsure about counseling because they know so little about it. Providing basic information - rates (most are free for students), location, and what to expect when they make an appointment - can make a big difference.
Prof. Hampton: It couldn't hurt for you to try it. It's a free service, right here on campus, just a couple of buildings away. Would you like me to help you make an appointment?
Gwen: This is all happening so fast... And I have so many other health problems I need to work on first. And school on top of this. And studying. I don't know if I have time.
Prof. Hampton: I understand you have a lot of other commitments. Just so you know, this is how it would work. You would make an appointment with the Counseling Center and, depending on their schedule, you'd probably get an appointment within the next week or so. Then, on your first visit, you'd sit down with one of the counselors and he or she would ask you some questions about why you're there, and try to get an idea of what you want to accomplish through meeting with them. Then the two of you would work out a plan and a schedule that's convenient for both of you. Usually that means going once a week, but not always. It's a very flexible service and it's free, like I said. You might as well give it a shot. If you feel like it's not helping you, there's no commitment on your end to keep going.
Gwen: Well... Okay, I suppose I could give it a try. What's the number?
End Conversation
Weak Conversation Example:
Prof. Hampton: Hi, Gwen. Thanks for coming by to see me.Gwen: No problem, Dr. Hampton. What did you want to talk about? Was there a problem with number five? I don't mind redoing it.
Prof. Hampton: Number five?
Gwen: Number five, on the last homework assignment. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be talking about domestic or international markets. That never was made clear to me.
Prof. Hampton: No, no, Gwen. I actually want to talk to you about something else.
Gwen: Oh. Okay. What is it?
Prof. Hampton: Gwen, I've been noticing some behaviors of yours that I wanted to ask you about.
Gwen: What do you mean?
Prof. Hampton: Well, you need to toughen up or you won't have much of a future in the real world. Your bosses aren't going to like that sort of behavior.
Gwen: (breathing heavily) Why are you saying this to me?
Coach Text: Telling Gwen to "toughen up" is not an effective approach. It would be more helpful for Gwen to hear that there are things she could learn in managing her anxiety.
Prof. Hampton: Why do you think you're so nervous about your performance?
Gwen: Well, I just... I need to make good grades because I want to get into law school after I graduate. And, if I mess up in this class, that could damage my GPA and mess up all my plans.
Prof. Hampton: That sounds like a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
Gwen: I don't know.
Prof. Hampton: Are you on any medication for your anxiety?
Gwen: Oh, do you think I need to be on medication?
Prof. Hampton: Well, that's not for me to decide. I was just asking.
Gwen: (pained, nervous expression)
Coach Text: Asking if she's on medication is a very personal question. Instead, ask if she'd like help with managing her anxiety.
Prof. Hampton: It must feel terrible being under so much stress.
Gwen: I don't know... I'm used to it I guess. I've always been worried about things.
Prof. Hampton: Would you like help dealing with your anxiety?
Gwen: From you? You would help me? I would really like that.
Prof. Hampton: Of course. Feel free to come to me anytime you want to talk.
Gwen: Thank you so much, Dr. Hampton!
Coach Text: It is inappropriate to assume the role of Gwen's counselor or confidant. If you feel she needs someone to talk to about her fears and anxieties, you should refer her to the mental health services office, where she can work with a professional psychologist.
Prof. Hampton: Well actually, I'm not the best person for this. I don't have training in this sort of thing. But there are people on campus who do and they might be able to help.
Gwen: What do you mean?
Prof. Hampton: There are counselors at the Counseling Center who help people with things like this.
Gwen: Counselors? You mean like psychotherapists? So you think I have a serious problem, then? You think I need to be in therapy?
Prof. Hampton: I think you could benefit from therapy.
Gwen: You think I'm crazy, don't you?
Prof. Hampton: No, I don't think you're crazy.
Gwen: Then why do you want me to go to therapy?
Prof. Hampton: It's a very popular service. A lot of students go to the Counseling Center. I read that roughly 20% of college students use their college counseling center at some point.
Gwen: Yeah? (hesitating)
Prof. Hampton: Look, I don't know if you need counseling. That's a question for you to explore. But I do think it's something you should consider. You know, I look at you and I see a young woman who is very motivated to develop her skills and prepare for her future. And counseling is right in line with that. If you could develop some stress-management techniques... increase your ability to handle difficult situations... It could be a very good thing for you.
Gwen: I do have a friend who went for counseling. She said it's good. It helped her.
Prof. Hampton: So can I give you their number?
Gwen: Okay.
End Conversation
KELLY: In this conversation Gwen seemed highly sensitive to anything that could be considered negative. We discovered that she’s had this anxiety since she was a child and that she’s experienced multiple health problems that could be stress-related.
Furthermore, she seems to put a lot of pressure on herself, believing that every assignment or exam could have a major impact on her future.
It’s not important for you to understand exactly why Gwen has this anxiety. All we need to realize is that it’s negatively affecting the quality of her life. She will be helped a lot through counseling.
Here are some useful takeaways from this conversation:
1. Emphasize the positives. When discussing sensitive topics, emphasize the positives more than the negatives. For example, it was helpful to praise Gwen for being a good student, rather than only focusing on her anxiety. You could say, “You’re a bright student and very driven, but there may be times when you put too much pressure on yourself.” Similarly, when discussing counseling, focus on how it can improve her skills, rather than how it can overcome her deficiencies. You could say, “Developing some stress-management techniques could be very helpful.”
2. Focus on observable behavior.
Generalizing Gwen’s behavior as “abnormal” or asking why she was “freaking out” during the midterm would make her defensive. A better approach was to focus on specific behaviors, such as rapid breathing, sweating, and fidgeting. She was less likely to deny these and more likely to have an open, honest discussion.
3. Avoid becoming a confidant.
Gwen might have wanted to talk to you about the history of her issue. While this shows you’ve gained her trust, be careful not to fall into the role of a counselor or confidant. Keep your role distinct by focusing on behaviors relevant to her academic performance and things you noticed in class and during office hours. Then refer Gwen to mental health services, where she can find ongoing support.
4. Avoid diagnosing the behavior.
Finally, it is not helpful to diagnosis Gwen’s medical or psychological issues or to discuss treatment. If you think she has an issue with stress, refer her to the health center or mental health services, where she can receive a more thorough assessment.