JACKIE: Do you have any other students you’re concerned about?
SHAWN: Well… What exactly should I be looking for?
JACKIE: I always say, “Look for worrisome behavior and worrisome changes in behavior.” But, honestly, I think teachers just know when a student worries them. It’s good to pay attention to that gut feeling.
SHAWN: Well… Then, yes, there is one more. He’s a bit of a discipline problem. Makes rude comments in class, intimidates other students, is absent a lot… But, at the same time… I don’t know, I think he’s smarter than he lets on.
JACKIE: Tell us about Rob’s academics.
SHAWN: Well, he’d probably have around a C average, but he has a number of exams he needs to make up.
JACKIE: I see his attendance is inconsistent.
SHAWN: Yeah, every few weeks he’s out, and it’s usually for the better part of a week. He has notes for all his absences, though.
JACKIE: Tell us about Rob’s behavior.
SHAWN: He’s generally regarded as a discipline problem. Last week he got detention for punching a locker, and a few days ago he teased a girl who was giving a presentation in my class. I made him stop and told him afterward it was unacceptable.
JACKIE: How’d he respond to that?
SHAWN: He agreed not to do it again. But he seemed a little indifferent about the whole thing.
JACKIE: What’s this about his journal writings?
SHAWN: Just that I think he’s a pretty good writer. I mean, I see talent there. My feeling is that, if he didn’t have these attitude issues, he’d probably do a lot better in school.
JACKIE: What can you tell us about Rob’s extracurricular life?
SHAWN: I don’t know anything about his family. He’s got some friends here at the school, but I don’t know much about them. And I don’t think he’s involved in any school activities.
JACKIE: What about his appearance?
SHAWN: He got a new tattoo a few months ago. Kind of big. And one week he had a black eye and a busted lip. I think he gets in fights.
JACKIE: What warning signs did you notice?
On screen this list appears, with directions to check all that apply.
JACKIE: Rob’s attendance is low and inconsistent. He recently bullied a young woman in class and has a tendency to be rude to teachers and classmates. And he recently got detention for punching a locker. All these are warning signs that a student could be experiencing psychological distress.
Shawn, how do you plan to talk to Rob?
SHAWN: I think I’ll look for him at lunch and see if he can come to my room.
JACKIE: Good.
What should be the goal of the conversation?
[user decision: pick one]
ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP. Yes. At this point, we know little about Rob and what’s causing his behaviors. So this can be an exploratory conversation where we try to get to know him better. Based on what we learn, we may decide to refer him to the counselor, but we don’t know that yet.
CONVINCE HIM TO GO TO THE COUNSELOR. I think right now we should focus on establishing a relationship with Rob and getting to know him better. Based on what we learn, we may decide to refer him to the counselor, but we don’t know that yet.
TAKE HIM TO THE COUNSELOR. I think right now we should focus on establishing a relationship with Rob and getting to know him better. Based on what we learn, we may decide to refer him to the counselor, but we don’t know yet.
JACKIE: How do you feel about having this conversation?
SHAWN: Eh… I don’t know. I think he might just walk out.
JACKIE: Well, that is a possibility. But at least he’ll know you’ve noticed him and that you’re concerned. And that’s not a bad thing.
SHAWN: (nods)
JACKIE: In this conversation, I want you to talk with Rob about your concerns, try to get to know him better, and, if you think it’s necessary, refer him to the counselor.
Mr. Lyons: Thanks for coming in.
Rob: Yeah, sure.
Mr. Lyons: So, I've been a little concerned about you lately. I want to talk about a few things.
Rob: Like what?
Mr. Lyons: Well... I just want to understand what's going on with you. Because I can see you're a smart student. I see that in class and by reading your journal entries. But then, I also know that you miss a lot of school, you were picking on Mandy last week, you got detention for punching a locker... So, all this confuses me and... honestly it makes me worried about you.
Rob: (laughs) Aw, man. You want to lay all that on me?
Mr. Lyons: I'm not trying to lay anything on you. I'm just concerned. I want to know how you're doing.
Rob: I just have a lot of stuff going on.
Mr. Lyons: Like what?
Rob: Like... (laughs) I don't know. Like not school.
Mr. Lyons: How are you feeling about school?
Rob: Eh, school's not for me.
Mr. Lyons: You're smart. You could do really well if you didn't miss so much class.
Rob: I'll be fine.
Mr. Lyons: Well, your grades are pretty low in my class.
Rob: Well, grades ain't everything.
Mr. Lyons: That's true. Grades aren't everything. But they could help you get into college.
Rob: I guess they could.
Coach Text: Good. If you'd disagreed ("That's not true; grades are important.") he would have dug in deeper to prove you wrong. However, by first finding common ground ("You're right. Grades aren't everything.") you made him more receptive to your next statement ("But they could help you get into college.")
Mr. Lyons: What do you want to do after high school?
Rob: Don't know. Haven't figured it out. What do you want to do after high school?
Mr. Lyons: (laughs) I don't know, retire I guess.
Rob: That's sad...
Mr. Lyons: (laughs) But what about you? What do you want to be doing in, say, two or three years?
Rob: I don't know. Living on my own. Doing what I want.
Mr. Lyons: Like...?
Rob: I don't know. We have to wait and see.
Coach Text: It's good you can laugh. Rob seems motivated by entertaining people and making jokes. It might be possible to connect with him on that level. Plus, it sets a friendly tone for the conversation.
Mr. Lyons: So you're just focusing on today, and the future will work itself out when it comes.
Rob: Yeah, no need to think about it now.
Coach Text: Good. Interspersing your questions with reflective statements like this makes the conversation flow more naturally, instead of asking question after question.
Mr. Lyons: What does your family think about your grades and your future?
Rob: They don't say nuthin.
Mr. Lyons: Do they want you to go to college?
Rob: They don't care what I do, long as they don't have to pay for it.
Mr. Lyons: So money's kind of tight.
Rob: I don't know. For me. For me it is.
Mr. Lyons: What do you mean by that?
Rob: They got a college fund for my sister.
Mr. Lyons: How old's she?
Rob: Like 10 or somethin'.
Mr. Lyons: So your little sister has a college fund, but you don't.
Rob: That's right.
Mr. Lyons: Why do they have a college fund for your sister and not for you?
Rob: Guess cause... cause I get in trouble and stuff. Plus, we have different dads.
Mr. Lyons: So, if I understand you right, her father set up her college fund. That's why she has one and you don't?
Rob:Uh, she's Brett's kid. Brett and my mom.
Mr. Lyons: Who's Brett?
Rob: That's who she's married to.
Mr. Lyons: Tell me about Brett.
Rob: . . .
Mr. Lyons: What's he like?
Rob: Not what I'd want for my mom.
Mr. Lyons: You don't think he's good for her.
Rob: You could say that.
Mr. Lyons: You think your mom deserves better.
Rob: Yeah, but that's her choice. Look, I don't want to talk about Brett anymore.
Mr. Lyons: Okay. Well, I also wanted to talk to you about your absences. You've missed a lot of classes.
Rob: I get sick.
Mr. Lyons: You seem to get sick a lot.
Rob: Yeah, I don't take my vitamins, you know. And then I get sick and miss school.
Mr. Lyons: You've got three missed exams in my class, and you haven't scheduled make ups for any of them.
Rob: I'll schedule them. When you wanna do them? Just tell me the day, I'll be there.
Mr. Lyons: I'm glad to hear it, but this isn't just about you making up missed exams. It's about you missing them in the first place. Why aren't you making it to school? What gets in the way of you being here?
Rob: I don't know. You shouldn't worry so much.
Mr. Lyons: Well, I do. I'd like to know.
Rob: Look, it's not that I don't want to come to school or anything. But sometimes I stay at my man Luke's place, and that's way up in Hill Town.
Mr. Lyons: So you stay at your friend's place in the middle of the week. And that's why you miss school.
Rob: Yeah. Just hang out.
Mr. Lyons: Are you going to your friend's place to get away from your family?
Rob: (laughs) Something like that.
Mr. Lyons: They don't mind?
Rob: I don't know. They don't mind it for a few days; then my mom comes to get me.
Mr. Lyons: If you feel like you have to get away, sounds like things are really bad.
Rob: Naw, better I just take care of myself. I do fine.
Mr. Lyons: You say you're doing fine, but I'm really worried about you... your grades, the absences, no plans for the future, losing your temper in class, getting detention...
Rob: . . .
Mr. Lyons: I'd like you to talk to Ms. Caraway, the counselor.
Rob: Ms. Caraway?
Mr. Lyons: Ms. Caraway works with a lot of students here, helps them figure out what they want to do with their future and what's the best way to get there. She's really helpful.
Rob: I don't know... I think I'm okay.
Mr. Lyons: What concerns you about meeting her?
Rob: I don't know what I'd talk to her about.
Mr. Lyons: If you wanted, you could talk to her about the same stuff you and I were just talking about.
Rob: Well, that wasn't your business. I shouldn't have told you anything, and I sure ain't talking to Ms. Caraway.
Mr. Lyons: Maybe it sounds weird to you to talk to Ms. Caraway. Next time I see her, though, I might just mention some of the stuff we talked about. I think she might have some good advice. Because I do want to see you doing better, feeling better...
Rob: You can ask her anything you want, but I don't want to talk to her.
Mr. Lyons: Okay. Okay. Well, go on and get ready for class. But maybe you and I can talk later, okay?
Rob: Sure... that's fine.
End Conversation
Mr. Lyons: Thanks for coming in.
Rob: Yeah, sure.
Mr. Lyons: I heard you got detention for punching a locker. What was that about?
Rob: Aw... (laughs) Yeah, that was me.
Mr. Lyons: I don't think it's funny.
Rob: No, it didn't feel funny.
Coach Text: Disciplining Rob only shuts him down. It sends the message that this is an unequal conversation, where you will be judging him on his answers and reactions. It will not make him feel like opening up. (Undo)
Mr. Lyons: Why'd you do it?
Rob: (laughs) I don't know. Just got pissed off, you know? Happens.
Mr. Lyons: How often do you get mad like that?
Rob: I don't know. Just sometimes, I guess.
Mr. Lyons: You also seemed angry when you were teasing Mandy last week in class.
Rob: Ugh man what?! We already talked about that last week.
Mr. Lyons: I know, but I've been thinking about it, and I want to understand what happened. If you were upset, you were probably upset for a reason.
Rob: That girl is nuts, that's all. She deserved it.
Mr. Lyons: I don't think she deserved that.
Rob: How do you know?
Mr. Lyons: What makes you think she does?
Rob: Cause how she is.
Mr. Lyons: And how's that?
Rob: I don't know. She try to act so proper, but she just looking down her nose at people. Thinks she's better than everybody else. Gossiping, talking shit. So I don't care if I hurt her feelings. I'm glad if I did. She deserved it.
Mr. Lyons: Please watch your language.
Rob: . . .
Mr. Lyons: Can I ask... how do you feel about school? Aside from Mandy and that whole thing.
Rob: School's not for me.
Mr. Lyons: How are your grades in your other classes?
Rob: (laughs) Not that good.
Mr. Lyons: Why do you think that is?
Rob: I don't know. What's with all the questions?
Mr. Lyons: Like I said, I'm just concerned about you. Is that why you're absent sometimes? Because you don't like school very much?
Coach Text: Asking too many questions in a row can make the student feel like he's being interrogated. Try interspersing your questions with comments (i.e., reflecting statements or encouragements) to make the balance of power feel more equal.
Rob: I get sick.
Mr. Lyons: You seem to get sick a lot.
Rob: Yeah, I don't take my vitamins, you know. And then I get sick and miss school.
Mr. Lyons: Why do you really miss school?
Rob: Aw, I'm just busy, that's all. Why do you care?
Mr. Lyons: How are you spending your time when you're not in class? What's keeping you from being here?
Rob: Look, you shouldn't worry about it.
Mr. Lyons: Well, I do. I'd like to know.
Rob: Look, it's not that I don't want to come to school or anything. But sometimes I stay at my man Luke's place, and that's way up in Hill Town.
Mr. Lyons: Well, why are you staying with your friend Luke?
Rob: No disrespect, but that's my business.
Mr. Lyons: You feel like I'm invading your privacy, I guess.
Rob: Well, you ain't got to know everything.
Mr. Lyons: Are you going to your friend's place to get away from your family?
Rob: (laughs) Something like that.
Mr. Lyons: They don't mind?
Rob: I don't know. They don't mind it for a few days; then my mom comes to get me.
Mr. Lyons: This seems like a lot to deal with on your own. Have you ever thought about talking to Ms. Caraway, the school counselor?
Rob:Ms. Caraway?
Mr. Lyons: She's good at helping people sort things out, figure out how to get what they want from life.
Rob:Well you need to go talk to Ms. Caraway, then, because you talking some crazy stuff right now.
Mr. Lyons: Why's it crazy?
Rob: Ms. Caraway? What do you want me to talk to her about?
Mr. Lyons: If you wanted, you could talk to her about the same stuff you and I were just talking about.
Rob: Well, that wasn't your business. I shouldn't have told you anything, and I sure ain't talking to Ms. Caraway
Mr. Lyons: Do you know Ms. Caraway?
Rob: No. I just don't like talking about my business with strangers. That's all.
Mr. Lyons: Okay. Well, go on and get ready for class. But maybe you and I can talk later, okay?
Rob: Sure, that's fine.
End Conversation
Do you think this conversation was successful?
I think it was. Your goal was to establish a relationship and get to know Rob better, and you did that.
In future conversations, you can learn more and, if necessary, refer him to the counselor or someone else who can help. For now, at least he knows someone cares enough to ask him about these things, which can mean a lot.
In an exploratory conversation like this, you want the student to trust you and open up. Which of these techniques do you think are most effective?
On screen this list appears, with directions to check all that apply.
Asking open-ended questions, asking for more information, and reflecting what you think he means are all effective ways to encourage a student to open up.
Disagreeing with him, giving advice, and criticizing him are not.
You might think, “What’s wrong with these? Why can’t I share my knowledge with my students?” Well, sometimes these techniques are fine; it depends on the purpose of the conversation. If the purpose is talking about a sensitive topic or encouraging discussion, these aren’t helpful because they could begin an argument, make the student defensive, or emphasize your authority over him.
Before beginning a conversation like this, it’s helpful to imagine taking off your teacher hat and switching into the role of a mentor or supportive adult. This helps you re-focus so you’re ready to just listen for a while.
Consider this exchange…
MR. LYONS: What does your family think you should do after high school?
ROB: I don't guess they care what I do. They just don’t want to pay for it.
JACKIE: Let’s see what happens if you choose to disagree…
MR. LYONS: I bet they do care.
ROB: You don’t know my family. They couldn’t care less what happened to me.
JACKIE: Disagreeing only makes him want to dig in deeper to his side, to convince you that he’s right.
JACKIE: It would be better to use a reflecting statement to express what you think he’s saying and make sure you understand.
MR. LYONS: You’re saying your parents care more about money than about your future.
JACKIE: This gives him the opportunity to correct you if you’ve misunderstood.
ROB: It’s just that money’s tight, and they have my little sister to think about, too.
Now let’s see what happens in the same exchange if you choose to give advice...
MR. LYONS: I think you should go to college.
JACKIE: This may be good advice, but it’s interrupting Rob’s train of thought. And it makes him feel like you think you know better than he does what’s right for him.
ROB: I don’t want to go to college.
JACKIE: It would be better if stated as a question.
MR. LYONS: What do you think about going to college?
JACKIE: This leaves room for him to express what he thinks.
ROB: I don’t know. I don’t think college is for me.
JACKIE: Finally, let’s see what happens if you choose to criticize Rob.
MR. LYONS: Don’t talk about your family like that.
JACKIE: Criticizing what he has already told you doesn’t make him want to continue sharing. Plus, it points out the uneven power balance between the two of you, which certainly doesn’t make him want to open up.
ROB: I’ll talk about my family any way I want to!
JACKIE: It’d be better to ask a follow-up question, instead.
MR. LYONS: Why do you say that?
JACKIE: This helps him continue talking and explain why he feels the way he does.
ROB: ‘Cause that’s how it is. They spend money on my sister all the time, but they don’t give me nothing.
JACKIE: Learning to avoid disagreeing, advising, and criticizing is an important step in mastering these conversations. Don’t worry if you stumble a few times. It just takes a little practice. It helps if you remind yourself before the conversation that your role will be that of a mentor and supportive adult, if you control your emotions during the conversation, and if you take time to think about what you want to say before you respond.
We became educators to make a difference. We do that every day in the classroom; but, as we teach, sometimes we notice students who are struggling with things outside the classroom, and that’s another opportunity to have an impact. Taking time to notice a student’s behavior, reach out, and make a referral to the counselor might bring hope to the student’s life, help them perform better academically, prevent the escalation of psychological distress, or just let them know someone cares. The conversation you have with a student can open the door to them getting the help they need. If you do this for just one student, you will have made a difference.
After reaching out to a student, follow up in the coming days, weeks, and months to see if things are improving. These don’t have to be long conversations. Even a quick question like “How’s everything going?” lets them know you’re still thinking about them.
And, remember, you’re not alone. If you’re unsure how to handle a particular situation, you can go to your school counselor, the principal, or a colleague for advice. In an emergency, you can call school security, 911, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And, if you ever realize that a friend, family member, or you yourself may be at-risk, you can contact the Lifeline or seek a referral for a mental health professional from your doctor or someone you trust.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-8255
We covered a lot today. Next, visit your Resources section, which has local information and a printable summary that’s a great refresher on everything we’ve talked about. Then take a short survey and receive your certificate of completion.
Thank you for the time you put into the classroom and into your students. When you connect with students, you’re doing your part in helping our students and schools achieve their best.
This concludes the simulation At-Risk High School. Thank you for learning how to support high school students exhibiting psychological distress. Please click the link below to request a certificate of completion.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifelife
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
En español oprima el 2
suicidepreventionlifeline.org »
Help Guide
Helpguide has information on the signs/symptoms and effects of teens depression, as well as information on how to talk to a depressed teen.
helpguide.org »
The Trevor Lifeline
The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youth.
1-866-488-7386
thetrevorproject.org»
Half of Us
From mtvU and The Jed Foundation, Half of Us aims to decrease the stigma around mental health and encourage help-seeking among teens.
halfofus.com »