DERRICK says And groups of giraffes are called towers, which is funny, cause you know, they’re so tall!
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) That is pretty funny-
DERRICK says Even baby giraffes are like, six feet tall when they’re born. That’s bigger than you! But not bigger than my dad.
MS. FREEMOND says (smiles) I guess you’re gonna be tall then yourself, just like a giraffe.
DERRICK says (beaming) Yeah, when I’m older, I’m gonna be big and strong! (Derrick flexes his skinny bicep)
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) Yeah, well I know how much you enjoy running around at recess, let’s talk for a little bit and then getcha out there.
DERRICK says Okay. What did’ja wanna talk about?
MS. FREEMOND says I appreciate how hard you’ve been working on your African animal project. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone get quite so excited about giraffes!
DERRICK says Yeah, sorry. But like, they’re super cool. Did you know they don’t sleep much, like only 20 minutes to 2 hours a day? They have so much energy!
MS. FREEMOND says (smiling) That sounds like someone else I know.
DERRICK says (giggles) Yeah. Except they’re super strong too. They can kick the skull of a lion and like, crack it. Everyone is always talking about how cool lions are, but giraffes can be like *PYAAA KRRRK* and the lion is like AHHHH and then he just falls over dead.
MS. FREEMOND says (smiles at Derrick) Yeah.
DERRICK says (shrugs) When I like something, I like it a lot.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND It’s great to mix in some praise. This exchange helped Derrick understand that he is not in trouble and warmed him up to talk about other subjects.
MS. FREEMOND says When you get really excited about what you’re doing, sometimes I have to remind you a few times to join the rest of the class.
DERRICK says Yeah, like earlier today, when I wanted to keep working on my giraffe poster. But you said that we had to move on.
MS. FREEMOND says Right. I was hoping we could talk a little more about what’s been making it tricky to move on.
DERRICK says I don’t know. It’s just hard when I’m, like, busy thinking about stuff.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says You learned some helpful information from Derrick because you shared what you noticed without judgment.
MS. FREEMOND says So, you’ve got a lot on your mind, and that makes it hard to concentrate sometimes.
DERRICK says Yeah. I want to do what you say. I do. But-
MS. FREEMOND says But there’s a lot going on in there.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Non-judgemental reflections like this one let students know you are listening. In this case, Derrick opened up to you about some of his worries and thoughts. Now you can follow up on one or more of these topics before moving on to problem solving.
DERRICK says I mean, like, I’m trying to do good in class, but then I’m like so far behind, and, and then… and my dad used to hang out and help me, but- well, he’s not around as much, so I end up playing ball with my friends, but everyone goes so hard in three-on-threes, and it makes me like… ahhhhhh! (sigh) So I guess it’s a lot.
MS. FREEMOND says Gotcha… so much to think about. It feels like a lot of pressure.
DERRICK says Yeah.
MS. FREEMOND says Is it okay if we both take a couple of breaths?
DERRICK says Okay, sure.
MS. FREEMOND says Okay. In. (breathes in)
DERRICK says (breathes in)
MS. FREEMOND says And out (breathes out)
DERRICK says (breathes out)
MS. FREEMOND says Again. (breathes)
DERRICK says (breathes)
MS. FREEMOND says How you feeling?
DERRICK says I feel a little better. Thanks. (pause) Well… what did you want to talk about first?
MS. FREEMOND says Can we talk more about you playing with your friends outside of school?
DERRICK says Okay, sure.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Asking permission before discussing a topic is a great way to build trust.
MS. FREEMOND says I’m interested in hearing a little more about what you like about playing ball.
DERRICK says Well, I could, like, fake right, get the ball, spin move, and swoosh! That’s how it happens in my head anyway. I miss sometimes too.
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) That’s okay! Every time we miss, it’s a chance to learn for next time, right?
DERRICK says Yeah. But when it’s for real and everyone starts yelling and pushing, it makes my head hurt. Sometimes I even sit to the side when everyone wants me to play.
MS. FREEMOND says Hm. So it’s not so much about the people you’re playing with, it’s the-
DERRICK says Yeah, that, like, IT’S ON feeling. THAT I don’t like. When my dad used to play with me, it was less AGH. I miss playing ball with my dad. Before, I could just play with him. Not worry about a thing. (takes breath)
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND You asked Derrick to talk about what he likes about basketball and he pointed to a few things. He shared some stressors, too. Simple open-ended questions, like this one, in response to students share, can lead to really helpful insights.
MS. FREEMOND says Sounds like you don’t get to be around your dad as much as you used to. That can be hard.
DERRICK says (nods) It’s not that big a deal. My dad just got this really important new job helping people. But- I mean, he’s just not really around as much anymore.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Great job. By empathizing with Derrick you acknowledged and validated his feelings, which encouraged him to share more.
MS. FREEMOND says It sounds like you’re proud your dad has such an important job helping people and you also miss him.
DERRICK says Yeah. He’s just like, really good at helping me get all that stuff in my head cleared up.
MS. FREEMOND says Like… your thoughts, and feelings?
DERRICK says Yeah.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Derrick could tell you were listening closely and that you cared. He felt like you were seeing beyond his behavior to what’s going on inside.
MS. FREEMOND says It sounds like when you talk with your dad it calms you down, and helps you focus.
DERRICK says (nods) Yeah. He like, tells me to write down everything that’s on my mind, and then later, when he has the time, we talk about it a little.
MS. FREEMOND says And that can help you relax a little.
DERRICK says Yeah, it’s good for me to just have a way to see it, you know? Cause I’m not like a giraffe. Did you know when they’re stressed, they like to chew the bark off branches?
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) Not sure that’s the best choice for you.
DERRICK says Right?! Eww! I don’t wanna eat bark!
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) Yeah, there are better options for ya.
DERRICK says (nods)
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says You picked up on something important (dad calms him down), reflected it back to him, and learned a strategy that you can bring up later.
MS. FREEMOND says Can you share a little more about what school’s been like for you recently?
DERRICK says I don’t know. Sometimes it’s easy to pay attention, like, you know, with the giraffe project. But then I just start thinking about stuff, and everyone is done and you’re telling me to move on.
THOUGHT I’m not stupid, and this didn’t used to happen. So why can’t I keep up?
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND Good! “Can you tell me more about” is a great way to follow up with something the student said and invite them to share more.
MS. FREEMOND says The way you said you feel behind sometimes. I wouldn’t worry about other people. It’s not a race. Just do your best.
DERRICK says I guess you can say that, but when everyone else is done, and I’m not- It makes me feel like an idiot.
THOUGHT says I’m already doing my best.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Encouraging an anxious student not to worry rarely works. A better solution is to encourage the student to talk about their feelings so you can better understand what’s causing the anxiety. Then you can problem solve together and, if necessary, you can refer them to someone in your school who can provide support.
MS. FREEMOND says So, from what you said, the work itself isn’t really the problem. It’s more about all the things on your mind.
DERRICK says Yeah, something like that. I really want to do good, make you and my parents happy.
MS. FREEMOND says You’re a strong reader, and writer, Derrick. I’m already happy with what you do. So I want to find a way for you to feel a little less intense about your work, and these thoughts in your head.
DERRICK says Yeah. It’s a lot!
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says This reflection allowed you to verify that you are understanding what Derrick is saying AND it made him feel heard.
MS. FREEMOND says I’d like to talk about what we can do in the classroom. So that things are better for you.
DERRICK says Okay. Sure.
MS. FREEMOND says Well, what do you think, Derrick? When we move on to new activities, what might make that easier for you?
DERRICK says Uh, well, in second grade, when we were gonna do something else we’d like, get up and stretch.
MS. FREEMOND says Gotcha, and that would let you know it was time for something new.
DERRICK says Yeah, exactly.
MS. FREEMOND says Okay, we can make time for a little stretching between activities. One other thought I had was- how much would it help to write down what’s on your mind, the way your dad reminds you?
DERRICK says Yeah, that could help. And then we talk about it and stuff?
MS. FREEMOND says I can try to make time. If not, maybe you could take the list home, and talk about it with your parents?
DERRICK says Okay! My dad likes when I have a list. Makes it easier to get to everything.
MS. FREEMOND says Makes sense! That seems like a pretty good place to start.
DERRICK says Alright.
MS. FREEMOND says Thanks for talking today, Derrick. Just so you know, around this time of year I usually talk to parents about how you all are doing, and I might mention we’ve been talking. Nothing to be worried about, just wanted to give you the heads up.
DERRICK says (shrugs) Cool.
MS. FREEMOND says With your mom and dad helping out, it’ll be easier to find the best solutions we can for you.
DERRICK says Yeah. That makes sense.
MS. FREEMOND says Great! Well, let’s go join recess now.
DERRICK says All right! But- if I think of something else out there, can I find you and talk?
MS. FREEMOND says Sure, you can try. But who knows what everyone might be getting up to.
DERRICK says (laughs) Yeah. If I CAN talk to you, it- it might be about giraffes.
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) Happy to hear more about ’em.
DERRICK SHARES HIS FEEDBACK ABOUT THE CONVERSATION
It’s been a couple weeks since Miss Freemond talked to me at recess and I’m still thinking about it. Ya know, she’s really good at like, saying stuff that makes me feel comfortable. Miss Freemond is a really good listener. Sometimes, when she like said back what she heard me say, things sort of got cleaner. Ya’ know? She says I work hard, which feels good, ‘cause everybody messes up sometimes. BUt some of the conversation was kinda hard. Talking to Miss Freemond didn’t always feel super comfortable. She told me not to worry. And, like, I can’t do that. Then, when we started talking about how to make school better. She was pretty good at coming up with ideas. She asked me what I thought would work. Now we do some fun stretches that help me move on to the next thing. Now when my brain is all full of stuff, I write it down. So I can chill about it and then show it to Miss Freemond later. It’s kinda okay that Miss Freemond called my parents. Now, it’s like everyone is on my team, together. I’ve been hanging out with Mr. Diaz some. He’s the school counselor, and the stuff we practice and talk about, it’s helping. It’s cool that she cares, at least!