DERRICK says And groups of giraffes are called towers, which is funny, cause you know, they’re so tall!
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) That is pretty funny-
DERRICK says Even baby giraffes are like, six feet tall when they’re born. That’s bigger than you! But not bigger than my dad.
MS. FREEMOND says (smiles) I guess you’re gonna be tall then yourself, just like a giraffe.
DERRICK says (beaming) Yeah, when I’m older, I’m gonna be big and strong! (Derrick flexes his skinny bicep)
MS. FREEMOND says (laughs) Yeah, well I know how much you enjoy running around at recess, let’s talk for a little bit and then getcha out there.
DERRICK says Okay. What did’ja wanna talk about?
MS. FREEMOND says Recently, I’ve noticed you don’t look too excited when it’s time to line up for aftercare.
DERRICK says (shrugs) It’s all good. I’m cool.
MS. FREEMOND says I don’t remember you needing to go to aftercare before your, uh, dad used to pick you up.
DERRICK says Yeah. But that’s okay.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND Derrick isn’t ready to talk about the his feelings about going to aftercare yet, but he might be ready later on.
MS. FREEMOND says I’ve also noticed lately you haven’t wanted to follow directions. You know, the way you used to.
DERRICK says What? What do you mean?
MS. FREEMOND says Well, when everyone is supposed to be moving to the next activity, you haven’t been doing the best job at listening. Like when you wouldn’t stop working on your animal project.
DERRICK says But I- there’s just all this stuff! It’s just really hard to focus.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says Derrick felt defensive about the way you described his behavior. Try to be more neutral and not make assumption about why he is behaving in certain ways. Look for opportunities to ask Derrick open-ended questions to get a better sense of his thoughts and feelings.
MS. FREEMOND says So your problem is you can’t focus on your work.
DERRICK says I don’t know, I’m okay. I mean- am I in trouble?
MS. FREEMOND says No. I just meant there are times when-
DERRICK says I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I- I won’t do it again.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says By telling Derrick what you think his problem is, you gave him the impression that something is wrong with him.
MS. FREEMOND says It’s okay, Derrick. Just tell me what’s on your mind.
DERRICK says I mean, like, I’m trying to do good in class, but then I’m like so far behind, and, and then… and my dad used to hang out and help me, but- well, he’s not around as much, so I end up playing ball with my friends, but everyone goes so hard in three-on-threes, and it makes me like… ahhhhhh! (sigh) So I guess it’s a lot.
MS. FREEMOND says Gotcha… so much to think about. It feels like a lot of pressure.
DERRICK says Yeah.
MS. FREEMOND says Slow down, buddy. (smiles) You seem super stressed out.
DERRICK says I’m good, it’s just- it’s a lot to think about.
THOUGHT Super stressed? I’m just being me.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND Derrick didn’t like being told that you see him as seeming "super stressed." This type of labeling can make it harder for students to open up or to collaboratively problem solve.
MS. FREEMOND says Well, if basketball isn’t fun for you, maybe you shouldn’t be playing it?
DERRICK says Nah, it’s not like that. When we’re just chillin, like shooting hoops and stuff, it’s cool.
MS. FREEMOND says Hm. But it’s not like that all the time.
DERRICK says (shrugs) I don’t know. When we keep score, I don’t like that it makes my tummy feel weird, like butterflies or whatever. Same thing happens sometimes in school.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND Instead of advising Derrick to avoid the things that make him feel stress--which might be many activities--try to learn more about the underlying sources of this stress by asking open-ended questions and reflecting what he tells you.
MS. FREEMOND says I’ve seen you being silly with your friends, so maybe it’s better if you work separately from them. They seem like they’re distracting you.
DERRICK says No, we all try hard!
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND says At this point in the conversation, it’s best to set aside any ideas about what the problem might be and focus instead on listening to Derrick’s perspective. The more you show you are listening, the more he will trust you later to help find solutions that work.
MS. FREEMOND says You get pretty anxious sometimes, and I- I want to see if we can fix that.
DERRICK says I’m fine, miss.
MS. FREEMOND says Hm.
DERRICK says You know.
MS. FREEMOND says But, I’m a little worried about-
DERRICK says I- I chill too! I play games with my friends, and- and my dad hangs with me! When he’s around. I’m good.
FEEDBACK for MS. FREEMOND You want to help Derrick, but the way you brought this up along with mentioning his anxiety made him feel like he has a problem. The more you can find out about Derrick’s struggles by asking open-ended questions or reflecting, the easier it will be for you to partner on solutions that make the most sense for him.
MS. FREEMOND says Is it okay if we both take a couple of breaths?
DERRICK says I- (sigh) fine.
MS. FREEMOND says Only if you want to.
DERRICK says No, it’s okay.
MS. FREEMOND says Okay. In. (breathes in)
DERRICK says (breathes in)
MS. FREEMOND says And out (breathes out)
DERRICK says (breathes out)
MS. FREEMOND says Again. (breathes)
DERRICK says (breathes)
MS. FREEMOND says How you feeling?
DERRICK says I feel a little better. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about, before I go outside?
MS. FREEMOND says I need to figure out how to make the classroom less stressful for you.
DERRICK says Okay, if you want to. But also there’s a lot of stuff that I’ve been thinking about when I play basketball with my friends. You know?
MS. FREEMOND says Just to make sure we’re on the same page. I- I’d like to go through what I’m hearing from you, and then maybe we can problem solve a little?
DERRICK says Uh, okay.
MS. FREEMOND says You sure?
DERRICK says Yeah. Whatever.
MS. FREEMOND says Okay, well, there’s been a lot going on in your life right now. And that makes me want to see what we can do to make things better for you, at least while you’re at school. How’s that sound?
DERRICK says Okay.
MS. FREEMOND says Do you think if I gave you some extra time, or at least a heads-up when we’re going to move on to a new activity, it could help with your busy brain?
DERRICK says I’m not sure. Maybe?
MS. FREEMOND says Even though I’m not always free, when I am, you can come and talk to me about what’s on your mind.
DERRICK says Okay.
MS. FREEMOND says Thanks for talking today, Derrick. Just so you know, around this time of year I usually talk to parents about how you all are doing, and I might mention we’ve been talking. Nothing to be worried about, just wanted to give you the heads up.
DERRICK says (shrugs) Cool.
MS. FREEMOND says With your mom and dad helping out, it’ll be easier to find the best solutions we can for you.
DERRICK says Yeah. That makes sense.
MS. FREEMOND says Great! Well, let’s go join recess now.
DERRICK says Great! When I talk about all this, my head starts racing and stuff.
MS. FREEMOND says Hm, I can tell. Well, I’m here for you, whenever you want to talk.
DERRICK says Okay. Cool.
DERRICK SHARES HIS FEEDBACK ABOUT THE CONVERSATION
It’s been a couple weeks since Miss Freemond talked to me at recess, and I’m still thinking about it. Ya’ know, talking to teachers is a little scary. I didn’t feel that comfortable. Sometimes Miss Freemond wasn’t getting it, or wasn’t getting, like, me. I don’t think she really got what’s hard for me in class. She had her own ideas, which were not right. And it wasn’t just that. She tried to tell me what to do. My dad says no one likes being told what to do. Then, when we started talking about how to make school better Miss Freemond’s ideas weren’t so bad. But our talk, it made my tummy hurt, so I don’t really remember what I said I’d do. Miss Freemond gives me a special signal when we’re gonna move on, so I can, like, be ready for it. It’s good. Sometimes, I just need to say what I’m worrying about. I talked to her once and it helped. It’s kinda okay that Miss Freemond called my parents. Now, it’s like everyone is on my team, together. I’ve been hanging out with Mr. Diaz some. He’s the school counselor, and the stuff we practice and talk about, it’s helping. Miss Freemond wants to help. I can tell. I tried to tell her how to help, and I hope that next time she’ll listen more. Maybe ask me what I think. It’s cool that she cares, at least!