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Now let’s move onto a few other tips for talking to your friend.

While it’s good to share your own experience to let your friend know you understand, focusing on yourself too much may make your friend wonder if you actually care about their situation. Sometimes your friend may need to vent, and it’s good to make sure your friend knows that you are someone they can open up to.

YOU: I was having panic attacks and stuff. I couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to throw up. It was really bad.
YOUR FRIEND: Yeah, sounds bad.
YOU: And it sucked, but I had to learn how to deal with it. I had to learn how to keep living my life, you know?
YOUR FRIEND: That’s cool. But it’s not the same thing. For me, it’s my family that’s messed up.

Here’s an example of how you can share your own experiences while also keeping the focus on your friend:

YOU: Having anxiety isn't about being messed up... But you're right that our situations are different. The stuff with your sister sounds really frustrating.

YOUR FRIEND: Yeah, it is... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say you were messed up or something. I'm just... I'm sorry, okay? I’m so tense these days.

YOU: Sounds like you think it might be awkward to go talk to someone about this. When I was going through my thing a while ago, I talked to my soccer coach, and it was actually pretty cool to talk to someone who wasn’t like, up in my business. Someone smart.
YOUR FRIEND: He didn’t lecture you or tell you what to do?
YOU: No, he just listened. And then I talked to the school counselor. She helped me figure out how to balance my school and sports and stuff, and gave me some tips for handling my stress.

YOUR FRIEND: Well, that’d definitely be better than talking to my parents.

You also want to avoid arguing or disagreeing with your friend. Even if you feel really strongly about something, arguing with your friend is only more likely to make them feel defensive.

YOU: I know your parents care about you. They’re just stressed out right now with your big sister. But they’ll help if you talk to them. YOUR FRIEND: You’re not in my house. You don’t know what it’s like. Everything is about my older sister all the time.

By disagreeing with your friend and acting like an expert on the situation, you made your friend get defensive.