Reflective Listening

Pic 0: Eva appears on screen in front of a blank background.

Eva: Imagine you have a client who needs to exercise more. What are the odds that the client has really never considered exercise?

Pic 1: A circle appears next to her with a figure who has two thought bubbles above their head that read “I should exercise more” and “Maybe if I joined a cycling group.”

I’ve found that, most of the time, the client already has some thoughts about change.

Pic 2: Eva disappears and another circle with a health coach figure appears with two word bubbles that read “You should exercise more” and “You should try running.”

We might not have much to add to those thoughts.

Pic 3: The health coach disappears and the client figure moves to the middle of the screen. A light circle appears to their left that reads “Their own thoughts and feelings” and a dark circle to their right that reads “Our arguments.”

What’s more powerful to the clients: their own thoughts and feelings, or our arguments?

Pic 4: The circle with “Their own thoughts and feelings” grows much larger as the other circle grows smaller.

Research shows that, for most people, voicing their own thoughts and feelings is a better motivator. So the more we help our clients express their own arguments for change, the more likely they are to follow through.

Pic 5: The screen transitions back to a close-up of Eva. A small figure appears over the text “Reflective Listening.” After a moment, the word “Listen” appears in a semicircle above the figure, then in a new semicircle, “Understand,” and finally one other semicircle which reads “Amplify with Reflections.”

By using reflective listening, we can listen to the clients, understand their goals, and use reflections to amplify their own reasons for change.

Pic 6: The image disappears and instead three small icons appear in a vertical column. The first one, titled “Simple Reflections” has an image of two word bubbles separated by a vertical dashed line, the one on the right has a quote symbol in it and the one on the left has an arrow moving over the dashed line to the quote word bubble. The second one, titled “Complex Reflections,” is similar, but instead of a quote in the right bubble, there’s a plus sign. The third, titled “Action Reflections” is similar, except the right bubble is replaced by an image of a figure moving forward.

There are three main types of reflections we can use: simple reflections, complex reflections, and action reflections. Let’s learn more.

Pic 7: The “Simple Reflections” image and title move to the center as the others disappear.

A simple reflection restates the content of a client’s statement to emphasize it and show that you’re listening.

Take a look at these examples.

Pic 8: The screen goes dark before transitioning to one titled “Example of Simple Reflections” which includes two different conversations between client and health coach told through word bubbles.

Client: I tried to follow a strict diet, but it didn’t work.

Coach: You’ve tried to lose weight in the past.

Client: When I ask my son to play outside, he just wants to watch TV.

Coach: You’d like your son to play outside.

Notice that these reflections restated the clients’ words selectively to emphasize their interest in change, rather than their hesitations. And phrasing them as statements instead of questions helped the clients feel supported, not interrogated.

Now let’s look at some simple reflections.

Pic 9: The screen transitions to a slide titled “Identify Simple Reflections.” It includes an example statement and multiple response options with feedback. The example statement reads “My daughter loves TV, but I hate that she sees junk-food commercials and then begs me to buy stuff at the store.”

She likes to watch TV.
- This reflects the child’s interest in an unhealthy It would be better to reflect the parent’s interest in healthier choices with a statement like “You don’t like that she’s watching commercials.”
You don’t like that she’s watching commercials?
- This did note the parent’s interest in change. However, this is phrased as a question. Sometimes that can stop people’s train of thought and prompt them to verify what they just said, or even imply a judgment of what they said.
You don’t like that she’s watching commercials.
- Yes! This reflection emphasizes the parent’s interest in change, specifically, an interest in their daughter watching fewer commercials.

Pic 10: The screen transitions to the next example statement and responses. This example statement reads “I’d cook more if I wasn’t so tired when I get home.”

It’s hard to cook when you’re so tired.
- This reflects the client’s reluctanceto change. Instead, use a statement like “You’d like to cook more often” to emphasize their interest in change.
You’d like to cook more often.

This is right! This reflection emphasizes the client’s implied interest in cooking. They’re likely to respond with more change talk on that subject.

You haven’t been successful in cooking more.

This reflects the client’s failure to change.

Pic 11: The screen transitions to the next example statement and responses. This example statement reads “Jason eats so well at home, but then his grandparents give him tons of snacks.”

They give him too many snacks?
- This question will stop the parent's train of thought and prompt them to verify what they just said. Instead, phrase your reflection as a statement to encourage them to continue their narrative.
He prefers eating at his grandparents’ house.

This is more of a guess than a reflection.

He eats more snacks there than at home.
- Correct! This emphasizes the parent’s interest in change and encourages them to continue with this train of thought.

Pic 12: The screen transitions to the next example statement and responses. This example sentence reads “I joined the soccer team. It’s been cool, but it takes a lot of time.”

You’ve enjoyed playing soccer.
- This is a good response. This emphasizes the client’s interest in change and encourages them to continue with this train of thought.
Being on the team is a big time commitment.
- This is an accurate reflection of what the client said. However, it emphasizes an argument against healthy behaviors. Instead, emphasize their interest in
Soccer is a great way to stay active.
- This isn’t a reflection, it’s a statement of information. A simple reflection should restate what the client said in a way that emphasizes their interest in change.