CAMPBELL: Thanks for taking a minute to talk, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: (a little hesitant, confused) Sure, but... I'm gonna be late for my next class.
CAMPBELL: It'll be okay, I can write you a pass.
STEPHANIE: Oh. Um... Okay.
CAMPBELL: You've been acting a little strange in class the last few weeks.
STEPHANIE: Um. I have?
CAMPBELL: Quieter than usual. I thought you were enjoying the Ancient Greeks.
STEPHANIE: (unenthusiastic) Yeah. They're pretty cool... I dunno.
STEPHANIE THOUGHT: (angry) "Strange?" What the hell?... And what do you even care, just let me go to my next class already...
FEEDBACK: Negatively labelling Stephanie’s behavior as “strange” made her defensive. Now she’s not looking forward to the rest of your conversation. When talking to a student about behaviors you’ve noticed, try to use more neutral-sounding observations. Avoid anything that sounds like criticism.
CAMPBELL: You really can't be leaving class all the time like you have been.
STEPHANIE: Oh. Um. I'm sorry. Am... am I in trouble?
FEEDBACK: By immediately reprimanding Stephanie, you’re missing an opportunity to find out if there are valid reasons for her behavior. As a teacher, you are in a great position to notice changes in student behavior and help students find solutions that could have a long-term impact.
CAMPBELL: No, you're not in trouble. Not at all. I'm just concerned.
STEPHANIE: (relieved) Oh... Thanks…
STEPHANIE: It's just... I dunno, things have been... not great. But it's fine. I guess.
FEEDBACK: By assuring Stephanie that she’s not in trouble, you alleviated some of her uncertainty and made her more willing to open up.
CAMPBELL: Is it something here at school?
STEPHANIE: (unsure) Um... Well... Yeah? Maybe?
FEEDBACK: Asking closed (yes-or-no) questions tends to result in shorter, less informative answers. Instead, ask an open-ended question to get Stephanie to open up.
CAMPBELL: If there's anything I can do to help, I’d like to.
STEPHANIE: (a little surprised) Really?....
CAMPBELL: It's important to me that... when you're at school you feel comfortable, safe, happy to be here...
STEPHANIE: Thanks... Well...
STEPHANIE: (timidly) There's this boy in Mr. Braungart's class across the hall? Jordan? And whenever he sees me he always, like... says a bunch of stuff and gets other kids to laugh at me...
FEEDBACK: Good job. By letting Stephanie know that you care about her, you made her feel comfortable opening up.
CAMPBELL: What kind of things does he say?
STEPHANIE: Like... Stuff.
STEPHANIE: He follows me in the hall after your class is over and, like... Calls me names, makes jokes... calls me, like... (sheepish) fat and stuff, and like... He's been doing it for weeks.
CAMPBELL: So that's why you've been asking to go to the nurse's office.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. Her office is right near my 5th period class; and, when the bell rings, I can just go to class and don't have to see him.
FEEDBACK: Now that you've learned what's been troubling Stephanie, consider taking the time to acknowledge that she shared something difficult with you and to learn more about the alleged bullying and her support network.
CAMPBELL: You shouldn't let him treat you like that.
STEPHANIE: Um... I'm not "letting" him do it, he's just doing it.
CAMPBELL: I understand, but... It's important to stand up for yourself.
STEPHANIE: (confused, disheartened) So... um... okay?...
STEPHANIE THOUGHT: Uuuuuuugh, I’m the worst at comebacks! I get so embarrassed I never know what to say. So pathetic…
FEEDBACK: Some students aren’t comfortable or able to stand up to aggressors. Bullying is even defined as a situation where two students have unequal power. Instead of criticizing Stephanie’s approach to the situation, help her find a way to safely resolve it.
CAMPBELL: Have you asked Jordan to stop?
STEPHANIE: Um... why would he stop just because I ask him to? He knows it bothers me, that's why he does it.
FEEDBACK: It's your responsibility to do something about Jordan’s behavior, regardless of whether or not Stephanie has asked him to stop.
CAMPBELL: What do the other students do when Jordan is bothering you?
STEPHANIE: Um... Not much, and...... that kinda makes it worse.
CAMPBELL: How so?
STEPHANIE: Like they think it's cool or something?
CAMPBELL: Do they laugh?
STEPHANIE: Mostly everyone just kinda... keeps doing their own thing. (embarrassed, hurt) some people laugh...
FEEDBACK: Good job using open-ended questions to learn more about Stephanie's situation.
CAMPBELL: I'm sorry this has been happening. It's very upsetting, I know. When I was in sixth grade, I was very shy and I had a bit of stutter and there was a group of kids who decided that that was hysterical. And they let me know on a daily basis. It made things really unpleasant.
STEPHANIE: (grateful to hear she's not alone) Really?
CAMPBELL: Really.
STEPHANIE: Ugh. Sucks... Jordan'll, like... Walk behind me and do this stupid elephant walk and it's, like... (sigh) It's not just at school, either... He always says stuff and uses stupid memes whenever I post pictures online or when my friends do.
CAMPBELL: Memes?
STEPHANIE: Yeah, like... dumb pictures and stuff. To make fun of me.
FEEDBACK: Good job. Even if you didn’t have a personal experience to share, you could still let Stephanie know that many kids experience bullying and that you know how upsetting it can be.
CAMPBELL: Jordan's behavior is not okay. Our school has a no-bullying policy.
STEPHANIE: Cool. I mean... I thought Coach Earl had seen it happen in gym, but... maybe not...
CAMPBELL: We'll talk to Coach Earl to get his perspective... But more than anything, I want to assure you - we will address Jordan's behavior.
STEPHANIE: (feeling better) Okay... Sweet.
FEEDBACK: Nice. You assured Stephanie, in no uncertain terms, that Jordan's behavior won't be tolerated by the school. As a result, she feels validated and hopeful that something will be done to stop his behavior.
CAMPBELL: Who else have you been able to talk to about this?
STEPHANIE: Um... You're the first teacher.
CAMPBELL: What about family, friends?
STEPHANIE: I haven't said anything to my parents... I did talk to my friend Kara, but... It's, like... She doesn't get it. She's tougher than I am or something... She tells me I should just dish it back and make fun of his stupid haircut. (beat.) I'm thinking that would make things worse.
CAMPBELL: That's probably good thinking.
STEPHANIE: (sigh) It just sucks.
CAMPBELL: So here's what I'm hearing so far, Stephanie... Jordan is harassing you, saying things that make you uncomfortable, making you feel bad about yourself. He gets other students to laugh along. It happens in the hall after my class and it happens during gym.
CAMPBELL: And this doesn't just happen at school. They also make rude comments on your social media posts.
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
CAMPBELL: When it happens around other students, they don't speak up or say anything. And some of them laugh. And that makes you feel like what's happening is okay with them.
STEPHANIE: Pretty much.
CAMPBELL: This has made you feel uncomfortable here at school, it's impacting your motivation to participate in class… And you've been leaving class early just to avoid seeing this other student.
STEPHANIE: Yeah. So... now what...?
FEEDBACK: Now that Stephanie has shared her situation and you've gathered a little more information, it's time to connect her to support.
CAMPBELL: Let's set up a peer mediation with Jordan.
STEPHANIE: A... (hesitant) what?
CAMPBELL: A mediation, it's... a talk. You and Jordan would sit down with another student and talk about what's been going on and... work together to find a way to resolve this conflict.
STEPHANIE: (unsure) Um... That sounds kinda... awful. Do we have to do that?
FEEDBACK: Peer mediation is very useful in solving conflicts, but it is NEVER appropriate in a bullying situation. Mediation requires that both parties be on equal ground; the essence of bullying is the imbalance of power between the aggressor and the target.
CAMPBELL: So... Our RFA liaison needs to handle this.
STEPHANIE: RFA? What's that?
CAMPBELL: It means Respect for All, it's our anti-bullying program. Ms. Dixon is our school's RFA liaison, which means she's the one who handles situations like this. Her job is to meet with students who are experiencing issues, learn more about what they're going through, who's involved, and then come up with a way to make sure it stops happening.
STEPHANIE: Um... But... If Jordan finds out I said something, isn’t that just gonna make it worse?
CAMPBELL: If it does, then that's part of the bullying and we'll take steps to address it.
STEPHANIE: (uncomfortable) Um... No, I... I really shouldn't have said anything, I don't- Can I get that pass now, I really need to get to class.