SOFIA: I know this is a lot to process.
COACH: You recognized Sydney might be feeling overwhelmed and showed empathy by saying “I know this is a lot to process.” Then you asked her how she's feeling, which is a great way to help someone talk through their reaction.
SOFIA: How are you feeling?
SYDNEY: Kinda stunned? Shocked. Um, just the feelings keep on coming.
SOFIA: Mmhm.
SYDNEY: I don't know. Five minutes ago, the only thing on my mind was the move. Checking off my to do list. Figuring out who I still need to say goodbye to. And now this.
SYDNEY: I have to stop thinking about setting up WiFi in my new place and start thinking about the rest of my life.
SOFIA: I know it doesn't help that we don't talk about health issues in our family.
COACH: Great job understanding the source of Sydney's reaction and speaking to it (“I know we don't talk about health issues.”). You showed empathy, and she felt better after she got to talk through her fears.
SYDNEY: I mean, I know people in the family have had cancer. But, like, whenever it comes up, you're like, “Just tell your doctor about your family history, Syd. Everything'll be fine.” And that's the whole conversation. Right there.
SOFIA: Well, we need to start talking more. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about this, whether you choose to talk to your doctor about it or not, whether you have this gene mutation or not.
SYDNEY: It's just, it feels weird to talk about, y'know?
SOFIA: I do. But I'll tell you something: I'm glad your Grandpa talked to me about it and now I know. Positive or negative. I just wanted to know so that I could make a plan.
SYDNEY: Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. And,
SYDNEY: This mutation you're talking about, it's the one they talk about on TV, right? People who have it get pretty extreme surgeries.
SOFIA: There are some surgical options that can lower my chances of getting cancer, yes. There are a number of surgeries people can consider, and they can choose to get one, some, or none.
SYDNEY: So,
SYDNEY: What could this mean for like, having kids?
SYDNEY: I wanna have a family someday. But I'm not ready to start, like, right now.
SOFIA: I know you want to have a family and that doesn't have to change.
SYDNEY: Are you, are you sure?
SOFIA: Yeah! Having information about cancer that might happen over the course of your life doesn't mean you have to do everything you might do to prevent it all at once.
SYDNEY: It just, (takes a breath) it feels like I have to make so many choices, maybe before I'm ready.
SOFIA: All it means is that you'll have all the info, so that you know if this is something you'll have to manage and, if so, what you can do about it.
SYDNEY: Okay, okay.
SYDNEY: So, there's a lot of, of feelings right now. (takes a breath) But I'm glad you're being open with me about this.
SOFIA: Hey, y'know, whatever's happened before. Talking about all of this is important.
SYDNEY: So,
SYDNEY: What happens next?
SOFIA: Well, I found it really helpful to talk to a genetic counselor.
SYDNEY: Um, what do they do?
SOFIA: The genetic counselor asked me questions about who in our family had cancer, what type of cancer it was, when they got it, and if and when they passed away from it. I let her know about Grandpa's genetic testing results. Using that information, she was able to explain more fully what my chances of getting cancer might be. My counselor helped me sort out if I wanted to get a genetic test and helped me decide what test was best for me. After I got my results back, she helped me understand what they meant and my next steps.
SYDNEY: Okay. (exhales) Well, it's a lot to think about and I'm moving in, (gets emotional) oh, my, two weeks. (takes a breath, gathers herself) But I will, think about it. Thanks.
COACH: Nice job sharing info about next steps without telling Sydney what to do. She felt like you were on her side and respected her ability to make decisions.
SOFIA: I can answer any questions as best I can.
SYDNEY: Yeah, that'd be, that'd be great. I'd rather not just blindly scour the internet.
SOFIA: I'll tell you everything I can about my experience. But a genetic counselor will have the most accurate information and can tell you what this means for you, specifically.
SYDNEY: Yeah, okay. Okay. This is still, like fresh? I wanna think about this, so,
SYDNEY: When I make a decision, I wanna feel like, y'know, I'm the one making it.
SOFIA: I totally get that.
COACH: That was good. You showed Sydney you're on her side (“I can answer questions”) while being clear that a good next step would be talking to a genetic counselor.
SOFIA: There's no rush to decide if you want testing. I just want you to think about whether you want to talk to a genetic counselor and learn more about it. When would you like to talk about this again?
SYDNEY: Um, after I get settled and have had a chance to, y'know, process everything? Maybe a couple months?
SOFIA: We can do that. Sure.
SYDNEY: Thanks. I appreciate it, mom. Really. (exhales) I have so much left to do before I move.
SOFIA: How 'bout I help you pack?
SYDNEY: Sure, that'd be, that'd be a big help, mom. Thanks.
COACH: SIX MONTHS LATER: Sydney asked her mom for some links and spent some time with them. She had a few more small chats with her mom and made it a priority to find a doctor in her new city and ask them about genetic testing and counseling. She has an appointment with a genetic counselor coming up soon.
Overall Result
Sydney asked her mom for some links and spent some time with them. She had a few more small chats with her mom and made it a priority to find a doctor in her new city and ask them about genetic testing and counseling. She has an appointment with a genetic counselor coming up soon.
It's common for family members not to act for months or years, even when conversations go well. The important thing is Sydney feels equipped to make good decisions about her health.
Staying Positive
There were multiple times you kept things positive. For example, you said:
“I learned some things recently that could help you make better decisions about your health.”
Showing Empathy
There were multiple times you showed you understood Sydney's reaction. For example, you said:
“I know it doesn't help that we don't talk about health issues in our family.”
Brainstorming Next Steps
There were multiple times you helped Sydney understand what she could do next and respected her thoughts. For example, you said:
“I can answer questions as best I can, but a genetic counselor will have the most accurate and complete info.”