SYDNEY: So.
SYDNEY: What could this mean for like, having kids?
SYDNEY: I wanna have a family someday. But I'm not ready to start, like right now.
SOFIA: Even if you do test positive for the gene mutation, that's too far off in the future for you to be worrying about now.
SYDNEY: But I can't stop from thinking about what it all means. It's still my life. Like, maybe I should know what I want to do. Maybe I should be. I dunno, doing something more about it.
SOFIA: Okay. I can't stop you from thinking whatever you're gonna think. I just want you to know that time is on your side here.
SYDNEY: Even if it feels the opposite. Got it.
COACH: Telling Sydney not to worry doesn't stop her from worrying. It would help her more to show empathy for her concerns and then talk through what she could do about them. For example, if she wanted to do something now, she could tell her doctor about Sofia's test results or look into getting tested herself.
SYDNEY: I just wanna let you know where I'm at, right now. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. well, scared and some other stuff I can't really put into words yet. But that's just me. Personally.
SOFIA: Okay, well I, I understand. I'm still, I'm feeling a lot of stuff too. So, I get it. I do.
SYDNEY: Mmhmm. I know you do, mom. So?
SYDNEY: What happens next?
SOFIA: Now, you have to decide what you want to happen next.
SYDNEY: Um, what's that even mean?
SOFIA: Do you want to talk to someone about this? Get a genetic test? What is it that you want?
SYDNEY: Oh, whoa. I guess I don't. I'm not sure yet.
COACH: It is important to talk about next steps. But “Now you have to decide what to do” sounded to Sydney like you were abandoning her to figure it out on her own. Instead, you could show Sydney you're here to help her think about it, like “I found it helpful to talk to a genetic counselor.”
COACH: It is important to talk about next steps. But “Now, you have to decide what you want to happen next” sounded to Sydney like you were abandoning her to figure it out on her own. Instead, you could show Sydney you're here to help her think about it, like “I found it helpful to talk to a genetic counselor.”
SOFIA: The only way to not be afraid of this is to do something about it.
SYDNEY: I understand that, mom. I just need more time to process everything before I decide what I want to do.
SYDNEY: When I make a decision, I wanna feel like, y'know, I'm the one making it.
SYDNEY'S THOUGHT: This is too much pressure. I'll just do some online searches on my own time. (sarcastically) That won't be terrifying or anything.
SOFIA: You'll feel a lot better after you've gotten a genetic test and you know for sure.
SYDNEY: (patiently) I said I wanna think about it some more. But when I decide what I want to do, whether that's seeing a genetic counselor or not getting a test or not, I'll let you know. Okay?
SOFIA: Okay. Now,
SOFIA: How 'bout? I could help you pack.
SYDNEY: Sure, that'd be, (distant) that'd be a big help, mom. Thanks.
COACH: SIX MONTHS LATER: Sydney felt a bit confused and scared. She's been willing to talk with her mom about her chances of getting cancer from time to time, but she isn't ready to talk to a medical professional about it and she's been dragging her feet on finding a doctor in her new city.
Overall Result
Sydney felt a bit confused and scared. She's been willing to talk with her mom about her chances of getting cancer from time to time, but she isn't ready to talk to a medical professional about it and she's been dragging her feet on finding a doctor in her new city.
It's common for family members not to act for months or years, even when conversations go well. The important thing is Sydney feels equipped to make good decisions about her health.
Staying Positive
You missed some chances to keep things positive. For example, you could have said:
“I learned some things recently that could help you make better decisions about your health.”
There were a couple times you could have been a little more positive. For example, you said:
“I'm going to have to make some big life decisions, and you might too.”
This focused on just the negative, scary aspects of knowing more about cancer risk. Instead, you could stay positive like “If anything happens, I'll be more prepared.”
Showing Empathy
You missed some chances to show you understood Sydney's reaction. For example, you could have said:
“I know this is a lot to process. How are you feeling?”
There were a couple times you made it harder for Sydney to work through her reaction. For example, you said:
“I know this is scary, but you need to stay strong.”
This told Sydney she should feel scared, but she might not have! It would have helped more to ask how she was feeling and express empathy.
Brainstorming Next Steps
You missed some chances to let Sydney decide what she wanted to do next. For example, you could have said:
“If you decide you want to find out more, you might want to see a genetic counselor.”
There were a couple times Sydney felt you were kind of pressuring her. For example, you said:
“You'll feel a lot better after you've gotten a genetic test and you'll know for sure.”
Sydney felt a lot of pressure to talk to a genetic counselor. Instead, you could have let Sydney decide what to do, like “There's no rush to decide; when do you want to talk again?”