Dixon struggled to engage Mr. Walker without making him feel attacked. Let’s look at what she can do differently and then watch her replay the conversation.
Conversation Goals
Goal 1: Get Mr. Walker’s side of the story
Dixon earned a yellow check minus. As Ms. Dixon began to learn Mr. Walker’s side of the story, she chose to heavily criticize him about his response. As a result, Mr. Walker became defensive and ended the conversation.
Goal 2: Directly Address Where Mr. Walker Went Wrong
Dixon earned a red X. She got personal with Mr. Walker, questioning his place as a teacher. He became defensive and ended the conversation.
Effective Techniques
Here are some things for Ms. Dixon to remember when dealing with this incident:
Bring Up the Topic Respectfully
Dixon did not raise the subject in a neutral, respectful manner.
State Facts Without Judgment
Dixon did not manage to convey what Scotty told you to Mr. Walker without judgment and/or making assumptions.
Remind of Policy to Report Bullying
Dixon did not remind Mr. Walker of the school’s policy or of his responsibility.
Connect to School Values
Dixon did not remind Mr. Walker of the school’s shared values.
Inform Colleague of Regulations
Dixon did not remind Mr. Walker of Scotty’s protection from discrimination under the school district’s bullying policy.
Common Pitfalls
For this type of conversation, Ms. Dixon should be sure to avoid:
Being Too Confrontational
“I wouldn’t have to ambush you if you had done your job.”
When Mr. Walker became defensive, Ms. Dixon pushed back in a confrontational way.
Making it Personal
Good Job! Ms. Dixon avoided making the conversation personal.
Failing to Communicate School Values
Upon getting some resistance from Mr. Walker, Ms. Dixon chose to question his intentions or ability. As a result, he became angry and defensive. Next time, she should try sticking to communicating school policy and values.
Recommendations
When dealing with incidents like this in real life, the key to an effective response is to:
Stick to relaying what the student in question told you without jumping to conclusions or making accusations.
Avoid confrontational or judgmental statements.
Directly address any biased language.
Remind the employee of his or her responsibility regarding the school’s bullying policy and values.
